I have a spe­cial guest vis­it­ing today.  Vanessa, from Vanes­saLeigh, is here and shar­ing a deeply per­sonal part of her own life journey. 

I approached Vanessa about shar­ing this part of her jour­ney, and what love means to her, know­ing fully that this is a sub­ject that can some­times be a chal­leng­ing discussion.

Love.

And I won­der, who are we to judge another?  Who are we to think we have all the answers?  Who are we to ques­tion the deep long­ings and beau­ti­ful con­nec­tions of two souls brought together?

So, it is with my deep grat­i­tude that I share with you Vanessa, who she is, and what love is.  And, as I read this, I can only believe that my place is not one to judge another because they are some­how dif­fer­ent from me.  In fact, as I think about this more deeply, are we not all dif­fer­ent?  And are there not things in our heart that would speak love even more beau­ti­fully if we lived that place with even more com­pas­sion and care?

Vanessa, thank you for so openly shar­ing, and for speak­ing the truth in your heart.  You are a shin­ing and beau­ti­ful soul, and it is an honor to have you here.

I Am NOT An Abom­i­na­tion

photo credit: indrarado

“We say we love flow­ers, yet we pluck them. We say we love trees, yet we cut them down. And peo­ple still won­der why some are afraid when told they are loved.” ~ Anony­mous

I feel com­pelled to write about this due to the strong feel­ings asso­ci­ated with this topic:  HOMOSEXUALITY.  I don’t get angry about the topic much any­more, as much as become deter­mined, almost indig­nant, on need­ing to firmly state why I feel the way that I do about this.  And, I have to say, I would feel firmly that homo­sex­u­al­ity is as nat­ural in human­ity as het­ero­sex­u­al­ity, even if I were not a les­bian.  But I am a les­bian, and I know in my heart of hearts that I am EXACTLY as God intended me to be.

Now, I am not writ­ing this post as a tes­ta­ment to what sci­ence is prov­ing in terms of sex­ual ori­en­ta­tion and genet­ics.   I am not writ­ing this post as a way to quote pas­sages of Scrip­ture, to defend why they are mis­in­ter­preted.  I am writ­ing this from a feel­ing, human per­spec­tive.  It is just the way that I do things, try to bring the per­sonal per­spec­tive to the table, which is not always con­sid­ered when the var­i­ous sides of this issue take their posi­tions and refuse to see another point of view as valid.

I feel firmly con­fi­dent in the fact that God has cre­ated me, as well as mil­lions of other gay, les­bian, bisex­ual, and trans­gen­dered per­sons, in His image, and exactly as He wanted us to be.  I would, and do, believe that regard­less if sci­ence seemed to indi­cate that there are genetic dif­fer­ences or not, that God meant for this to be.  I feel fully con­nected to God and to my spir­i­tu­al­ity, not in spite of being gay, but because I am gay.  I am a kind, gen­er­ous human being, I give will­ingly to oth­ers, I try to be fair and not waste­ful, and I have a com­mit­ted, life­long part­ner whom I am devoted to.  We are rais­ing a well adjusted, beau­ti­ful daugh­ter and doing a fine job.  God has blessed us in so many ways, because of who we are.

This is usu­ally where the con­ver­sa­tion goes to the area of “love the sin­ner, hate the sin” kind of state­ments, refer­ring to being gay as being a “choice” or “lifestyle”, and that we are “giv­ing in” to “sin­ful urges” with­out restraint.  While I will not be dis­cussing my own sex­ual behav­ior here, since that is just not my style, I will say that sex­ual ori­en­ta­tion, or in my case, being a les­bian, is about SO MUCH MORE than sex­ual behav­ior, sex­ual activ­ity, sex­ual inti­macy.  Yes, that is part of it in most of the cou­ple rela­tion­ships that I am acquainted with, as in most com­mit­ted rela­tion­ships.  That is PART of what con­nects two per­sons to one another.  But, think about it for a minute: when you meet some­one that you know may be a sig­nif­i­cant per­son to you, one to whom you are attracted, how would you describe that attrac­tion?  Some of us have had the expe­ri­ence of being attracted to a per­son phys­i­cally or sex­u­ally only, with noth­ing else much there.  That has not been my typ­i­cal expe­ri­ence, and that is not what I am talk­ing about here.  I am talk­ing about falling in love, being attracted to a per­son on all lev­els:  phys­i­cally, sex­u­ally, emo­tion­ally, psy­cho­log­i­cally, soul­fully, prayer­fully — the heart to heart con­nec­tion that comes with those that we fall in love with madly.  THAT is what ori­en­ta­tion is about.  If I were to describe a het­ero­sex­ual ori­en­ta­tion as only about sex, or sex­ual attrac­tion or inti­macy, I would be dimin­ish­ing it and leav­ing out so much else that describes and defines a cou­ple relationship.

And, just as there are messed up per­sons in this world who are het­ero­sex­ual, mar­ried or not, so is the case in the homo­sex­ual world as well.  Not much dif­fer­ence there.  How­ever, there are many of us that are monog­a­mous, in com­mit­ted, long term rela­tion­ships, who are not unfaith­ful and want to spend the rest of our lives together, God will­ing.  Would there really need to be a focus on what it is that we do inti­mately if we were allowed to be mar­ried?  If that were to sanc­tion our com­mit­ted rela­tion­ship, then really, who would care how we con­duct our­selves?  And, for those that think that the insti­tu­tion of mar­riage will be ulti­mately destroyed, and the foun­da­tion of our soci­ety shat­tered if homo­sex­ual per­sons are allowed to marry one another, wouldn’t you agree that mar­riage could use some help these days?  I mean, the most recent sta­tis­tic is that almost half, if not half, of mar­riages end in divorce?  How can we worsen those types of num­bers? Isn’t it remotely pos­si­ble that we might boost the chances of happy marriage?

I know some peo­ple, many peo­ple actu­ally, some of whom are gay, some not, who were raised in house­holds and com­mu­ni­ties and churches, that told them that being a homo­sex­ual was against God, unnat­ural, and an abom­i­na­tion, and who believed it for much of their lives.  Some of those same peo­ple have had changes of hearts and minds over their life­time, by real­iz­ing that being gay and being in God’s image could co-exist.  I am so grate­ful for those per­sons in my life.  I am so glad to know that instead of bring­ing out fear and loathing in other human beings, that I can illicit appre­ci­a­tion, com­pas­sion and joy at who I gen­uinely am.
 
I am gay, I am wor­thy, I am loved, and I am a child of God. Amen.

UPDATE:  The con­ver­sa­tion on this con­tin­ues, as Evita, from Evolv­ing Beings, dis­cusses Expand­ing Our Evolv­ing Views of Homo­sex­u­al­ity. 

Spe­cial note:  I am deeply grate­ful to Vanessa for shar­ing as openly as she has here, and for Evita beau­ti­fully shar­ing her com­pas­sion­ate views on sex­ual ori­en­ta­tion.  It is with these con­ver­sa­tions, that con­tin­ued love and under­stand­ing can be more openly expressed in all aspects of our lives.  Thank you, both of you, for being light and love in this world.

S I L L Y !!

Now there’s a FUN word!  Say it a cou­ple of times.  See!!  Can you even say that word AND be grumpy at the same time?  I don’t think so!

To add to the silli­ness around here, today I have a spe­cial guest who will share four strate­gies she uses to bring out the silly!  Please wel­come Joy Tanksley, from Being Joy.  I’ve only recently got­ten to know Joy…and that name, Joy, is so fit­ting for her!!  Just look below at that FUN picture…now doesn’t that have JOY (and SILLY) writ­ten all over it!! 

Really, check out her site — it is chock-full of pure fun (like her danc­ing!!!). 

Today, Joy is not only wear­ing her bra in a dif­fer­ent spot…she is also giv­ing us all some great ways to get our own SILLY on!

Four Sure­fire Strate­gies for Get­ting Seri­ously Silly

Draw a crazy pic­ture,
Write a nutty poem,
Sing a mumble-gumble song,
Whis­tle through your comb.
Do a loony-goony dance
’Cross the kitchen floor,
Put some­thing silly in the world
That ain’t been there before.
 ~ Shel Sil­ver­stein

Silli­ness is a virtue that is often over­looked and highly under­rated. But I had the good for­tune of learn­ing its value from my incred­i­bly silly mother. It would totally embar­rass her if I told you that she would often per­form the “gas bal­let”, doing grande plies and dra­matic leaps while mak­ing the unmis­tak­able sounds of flat­u­lence with her mouth. So I won’t tell you she did that. Suf­fice it say that silly is part of my pedi­gree, and, in my expert opin­ion, we could all ben­e­fit from being a lit­tle more absurd, fool­ish, and ridicu­lous on a reg­u­lar basis.

Here are four of my per­sonal favorite ways to get seri­ously silly:

1. The Jelly Butt Game
This must be done in a pub­lic place and with a per­son who is eas­ily embar­rassed. With­out any warn­ing, begin gen­tly sway­ing back and forth and bend­ing your knees. Exclaim, “Uh oh! Oh no! It hap­pened! I have Jelly Butt!” At this point, move your body as if your rear end has turned into com­plete jelly. It’s best if you fall into your com­pan­ion for sup­port. But watch out! Jelly Butt is con­ta­gious. Your friend might some­day return the favor by hav­ing a sur­prise attack of Jelly Butt at your expense.

2. Bark Like a Dog
If you haven’t tried this, it’s a must. I can’t tell you how good this feels. Let go of all inhi­bi­tions. Get LOUD. Try dif­fer­ent types of barks – from yippy to bel­low­ing. Throw your head back and bark your head off! This one is deli­cious when done alone but is also great with a group.

3. Foot as Tele­phone
The next time someone’s foot is within reach, make a ring­ing noise like a tele­phone. Then answer their foot. They will be totally caught off guard, and will likely begin laugh­ing hys­ter­i­cally. Try to keep a straight face and carry on a one-sided con­ver­sa­tion, such as, “Hello? Yes, this is she. No, I am not inter­ested in tak­ing a sur­vey, thank you very much. Well, there’s no need to get snippy!”

4. Wear Under­clothes on your Head
This is a clas­sic for a rea­son. It’s price­lessly funny, and espe­cially so when com­bined with a goofy dance. I’m a big fan of bras worn on the head, with the strap going down around the chin. Under­wear works, too. And it doesn’t have to be yours.

I chal­lenge you to try at least one of these tech­niques and see how it makes you feel. As the famous philoso­pher Lud­wig Wittgen­stein said, “If peo­ple did not some­times do silly things, noth­ing intel­li­gent would ever get done.”

Joy brings the silly, and all sorts of other great stuff at her insight­ful and fun blog, Being Joy.  Check it out today!

Silly Alert!  This week­end I’ll be in New York City, with The Lev­ity Project, cel­e­brat­ing World Laugh­ter Day!  And it’s not too late to join in.  The more the mer­rier (and sil­lier!)!!  To reg­is­ter for this free event, click HERE, or visit the link in the side­bar. 
 

Par­adise right here in our pockets.…that sounds pretty sweet!

Today I have Tess Mar­shall here, from The Bold Life, to share her won­der­ful writ­ing.  Tess is filled with a deep love for life, and even beyond that — she has this real zest for the life she lives!  BOLD is a fit­ting word to describe the pas­sion she has for truly living!

Please read along, as Tess shares…

Pock­ets of Par­adise

photo credit: With­eyes

“A box with­out hinges, key, or lid, yet golden trea­sure inside is hid.” ~ J.R.R. Tolkien

(This post was inspired by Ardath Rodale of Rodale, Inc.)

Do your remem­ber when you were a kid what kind of “stuff” you’d put in your pock­ets? Things you wanted to trea­sure and put away for safe keep­ing.  I can remem­ber stuff­ing my pock­ets with notes passed in class from best friends, a four leaf clover found at recess and chew­ing gum that wasn’t allowed. Pre­cious things that defined my life as a kid…that’s what I stuffed in my pockets.

When I took out my spring sweater last week in the pock­ets I found a Star­bucks gift card, miss­ing ear­rings, and a peppermint…little pocket presents or sur­prises. Each trea­sure brought back a memory…and I smiled.

Every­day small mir­a­cles, delights and sur­prises fill our lives. I saw a lizard climb­ing the wall in my back yard today, my gera­nium had a new bloom and a morn­ing dove was singing softly as I watered some flow­ers. These for me are moments of bliss…appreciation…mine for the keep­ing.  Today I’ll slip these pieces of par­adise in my pockets.

On my quick 3 mile run this morn­ing I felt spring in the air, birds chirp­ing and bushes bloom­ing. When I returned I made fresh squeezed orange juice with the oranges I bought on a nearby farm the day before.  I pock­eted these every­day memen­tos as well. They help me feel all is right in my world.

Bits of par­adise also come when some­one tells you to “keep the change” or when you receive an unex­pected text mes­sage from some­one you love. I  also fill my pock­ets when I expe­ri­ence kind­ness, com­pas­sion and love.

My grand­chil­dren and old­est daugh­ter are com­ing for a visit over their spring break next week. From the moment we pick them up from the air­port, until the day they leave, our home will be filled with their “big and happy” energy. We’re going to hike, swim, watch movies and eat ice cream. My pock­ets will be over­flow­ing with memen­tos of laugh­ter, fun and excite­ment. I ‘ll place the par­adise expe­ri­ences in my pock­ets to be emp­tied after they’re gone and all is quiet again. 

Daily we have numer­ous oppor­tu­ni­ties to give and receive expe­ri­ences of love, joy and hap­pi­ness. We can wit­ness mir­a­cles hap­pen in nau­ture. We be kind and lov­ing to those around us. Notic­ing, appre­ci­at­ing and savor­ing par­adise moments will make your heart happy.

Keep your every­day gems and trea­sures in make believe pock­ets. Carry them with you always. You’ll feel like you’re on top of the world!

Please share with us what bits and pieces of par­adise you have in your pock­ets today.

About Tess

Tess Mar­shall is the mover and shaker, at The Bold Life, where she’ll hold you account­able for being the bold­est you’ve ever been in every area of your life!  What would you do if you were 10 times bolder? Sign up for her RSS feed and receive updates. You can also fol­low her on Twit­ter and Face­book.
 

Dis­claimer:  That is not my tiny black under­wear!  (unless that is fash­ion­able?)

Today it is an honor to have Megan Bord, from It’s All About Joy, here to share a fun story.  Megan is a won­der­ful and car­ing friend, and some­one whose words always touch upon a deeper spot in my heart.  Ever since Megan and I crossed paths, I have just really sensed this deeper heart con­nec­tion to love and joy.  As I have talked more with her, I know this is much more than just a sense…it is truly a part of her core.  Megan radi­ates life, love, and inner joy in very beau­ti­ful ways. 

Read along, as Megan shares a recent per­sonal expe­ri­ence, and how that all relates to each of our own unique quirks…

Accep­tance And A Pair of Tiny Black Under­wear

photo credit: eve­lynishere

“As quirky as we are – and we’re all pretty quirky – you will find you don’t need any­one else’s approval for how you live your life. You aren’t depen­dent on any­one else’s opin­ion of your clothes, hair, weight, demeanor. In return, you are less judg­men­tal of every­one else. Your capac­ity to sim­ply accept every­one as they are grows.” Geri Larkin, The Choco­late Cake Sutra

As a recov­er­ing per­fec­tion­ist (aka, an incred­i­bly fear­ful per­son), when I first read the para­graph above, I loved it. As recently as a few years ago, though, had I read that same para­graph, I wouldn’t have under­stood it.  

Let me set the stage a bit bet­ter: I’m the girl who used to put on lip­stick and ear­rings to go for a run. I’m the one who, as a kid, took two hours to do her hair… for school. I think I sin­gle­hand­edly sup­ported the hair­spray indus­try from 1985 – 2000. And for God’s sake, don’t touch my hair! (Sheesh) I’m the one who always car­ried a lit­tle mir­ror with her in the event that one sus­pected they hade some­thing stuck in their teeth or nose, and I’m also the friend who would tell oth­ers if that was the case.

To say I was a fuss bud­get doesn’t quite do it jus­tice, but it’s a start.

I cared what other peo­ple thought of me. I cared so much that at times I let it rule my thoughts and affect my actions. I wanted to feel safe and secure, and was con­vinced that val­i­da­tion came from the outside.

These days, I’m a bit wiser. I rec­og­nize that the only person’s opin­ion that truly mat­ters – the one I need to be able to live with at the end of each day – is my own. And the older I get and the more I open my mind and heart to the world around me, the eas­ier self-acceptance becomes. It’s such a beau­ti­ful two-way street, too. The less I judge myself, the less I judge oth­ers. And the more I view oth­ers with com­pas­sion­ate, lov­ing eyes, the eas­ier it is to view myself that way, too.

Huz­zah!

And that leads to sto­ries like the one I encoun­tered the other day, which, had it hap­pened ten years ago, would have mor­ti­fied me. Now, though, it just makes me laugh.

Here’s what hap­pened: After spend­ing three hours out and about, I returned home and decided to change into my most com­fort­able paja­mas. As I took off my pants, I noticed that a pair of tiny black under­wear had fallen to the floor. I thought, “That’s odd. I’m not wear­ing black under­wear today.” After a few sec­onds of siz­ing up what might have hap­pened, I real­ized that while I may not have thought I was wear­ing black under­wear that day, sta­tic cling being what it is (God’s sub­sti­tute for duct tape), there was a good chance those tiny panties had been wear­ing me! Lord only knows who saw them stuck to what­ever part of my pants they decided to make as their home as I trounced here, there and every­where. Gra­cious, can you even imagine?!

Ah, but our own quirks and imper­fec­tions are what make it eas­ier for us to relate to the quirks and imper­fec­tions in oth­ers. And as I accept my flaws, black under­wear and all, I find it infi­nitely eas­ier to embrace yours. I don’t know about you, but to me that feels like such a beau­ti­ful, joy­ful and con­nec­tive way to live!

You can keep up with Megan by sub­scrib­ing to It’s All About Joy,  and fol­low­ing her on Twit­ter.