Crash and Learn

by Lance Ekum on · 108 comments

Creative Commons License photo credit: Kyle May

“Tell me and I'll forget; show me and I may remember; involve me and I'll understand.” ~ Chinese Proverb

Our Best Learning

When do you learn something in the best, most effective manner?  When you are doing that something, right!  Even more specifically, when you're doing something and it does not go exactly as expected, the learning meter ramps up even higher.

So think about this.  Where are you with some of the aspirations you have?  Are you out there, actively learning by actively doing?  Are you out there, trying things out and then picking up the pieces when they don't go as planned (and learning in even more meaningful ways)?

An Evening in April

It was a Sunday evening, and we were making a trip to our local grocery store.  Cameron, my 12 year old son, and I. He loves the grocery store, and never passes up the opportunity to visit.  And after years and years of these visits, he has become a really great help. 

In usual fashion we make our way through the store, and then to the checkout lanes.  Grocery bags in hand, we wander out to our car, and begin the drive toward home.

As we are approaching the road we live on, Cameron asks "Can I drive home?".

This road we live on, there is so little other traffic – and especially so on a Sunday evening.

He's asked this before, a couple of times in recent months.  And he's done so well on the very short remaining drive home.  (he's really good at driving the tractor to cut our grass!)  I say "yes".

We pull over near the side of the road and change places – Cameron in the drivers seat and I in passenger seat.  Down the road we go.  He has done this before, so I'm completely comfortable as he gets behind that wheel.  As per any usual evening, we see no one else as we travel the short distance down this road, and we approach the driveway.

As we are entering the driveway, Cameron asks "Can I drive into the garage?".

The right answer is "we should stop in the driveway".  Actually, the right answer is really that he shouldn't be driving at all (it's too late for that now, though…).

He's doing so well.  "Sure", I say.

We are hardly moving, just slowly easing our way into the garage. 


Except we are starting to get a bit close to the left hand side of the garage wall.  I'm watching that, telling Cameron to straighten it out a bit.


We crash into the front of the garage.  Snow shovels flying (isn't it about time to pack those away!?!?).   A shelf inside the house has several things flying to the floor, as my other son is in there doing homework.  Lora (my wife) comes running outside.

…there Cam and I sit, a slight wave to her…

In the end, there are a couple of broken shovels and some drywall that needs repairing.  Otherwise, all is good.  We take some time to clean up the mess we've created.

In retrospect, I should probably have not had my 12 year old driving our car (I don't suggest you try this at home!).

This experience, though, is one that's given both Cameron and I a learning moment.  A learning moment, by being out there and doing that which we really want to do ( and he definitely really wanted to drive). 

The Take Away For You

What is it that you want to do, except you are not sure you fully know how to do it?  Where are you holding yourself back because you don't think you're good enough?

See the possibility in you!

See the possibility in you, and then go out and crash…and learn…and grow.

And in all of this, move more fully into the depth of who you truly are…

Lance writes stories from his heart, aiming to inspire and motivate, as you align more fully with YOUR true peak. When he's not here, you can find him hanging out with his family, riding a bike, or just generally acting goofy.   Sign up for the Thoughts from the Treehouse newsletter and get additional inspiration in your email inbox!
Lance Ekum
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{ 107 comments… read them below or add one }

Lynn May 3, 2011 at 10:24 am

Wow Lance – my hat is off to you for giving your son this lesson. And not freaking out when he hit the garage – I would have guessed that you would have been very Zen about the crash.

Of course there are things like that that I am going through – I take note of this lesson and will think about it next time I feel I am holding myself back.
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Lance May 4, 2011 at 5:45 am

This kid *loves* to drive! He’s been driving our riding lawn mower for several years and is really quite responsible when he does. So, I felt pretty comfortable doing this.

And that we crashed…in that moment, I figured he’s getting much more from this personally than any over-reaction on my part would do. I think that we sometimes forget that we all make mistakes – just like this was. Some are just more “seen”.

Have a great Wednesday!


Perfecting Dad May 3, 2011 at 12:06 pm

I think you’re a fine Dad (like me, of course). I gave my son a similar experience, different scenario though. My five year old kid had to do a big speech and I tried to coach him into stretching for an awesome one with big theatrics. He crashed in that one too, but he learned a heck of a lot more than those who succeeded at something less! It is called My Five Year Old Failed In Front Of Hundreds: How Cool Is That? Failure is an awesome teacher. Good post and good dad. I’m following your blog.
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Lance May 4, 2011 at 5:51 am

Perfecting Dad,

It’s those moments when we “crash” (all of us) that there can be some really great takeaways. Awesome that you’re helping your son to take those steps, and if he crashes…to gently help him back up.

Here’s to really living our lives, have a few crashes…and moving toward our true peak!! (for us and for our kids!)

It’s great having you here!


Robin Easton May 3, 2011 at 12:47 pm

Dearest Lance, this made me chuckle. I KNEW exactly where it was headed because it brought back memories of when my dad let me do the same thing. Only I was a just touch older. Not much. I love it!! 🙂 🙂

Also love the freedom in your message here. It really got me thinking. Especially this question: “What is it that you want to do, except you are not sure you fully know how to do it? Where are you holding yourself back because you don’t think you’re good enough?” Only I tend to wonder if I CAN do it, not so much because I think I’m not good enough, but more just because I’ve never done it and it’s so “out there” 🙂 It’s one of those things that I won’t know until I try it type-of-thing. LOL! BUT THEN….that is WHY I am drawn to doing it. I have always been drawn to challenges. So I really loved this post.

By the way, you are a REALLY cool dad!! LOL! When I was learning to drive I hated having my mom in the car, she was a stress case teaching me to drive. LOL! 🙂 Always gasping, and hovering over me, and saying “No, not there, now turn on you blinker, start braking, slow down, your too close, too far away, too fast, too slow, too too too too!!” 🙂 🙂 BUT…my dad would get in the car open the newspaper, say something like, “Why don’t drive out by the lake and see if fish are jumping. We can come back tomorrow with the canoe.” Then he’d lean back and read the paper, calm as could be. I was sooooooo calm and in control with him. I really got to FEEL what it was like to BE in control of the car. With mom, I got so flustered and made tons of mistakes because she couldn’t relax. LOLOLOL!!!! Aah, I love them both and chuckle over it all now.

So enjoyed this story. Bless you dear soul for sharing it so honestly.
I just love you and down to earth ways. Think of you oftens.
Tons of love to you.
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Keith May 3, 2011 at 8:37 pm

Love this comment Robin!


Lance May 4, 2011 at 2:28 pm

Me too…I love what Robin shared!


Lance May 4, 2011 at 2:27 pm

I have to share this short story with you. My oldest, Jakob, is 16 (and has his license). Last summer, he had his learner’s permit. Right after he got that, I went to the school to pick him up, and then let him drive around a bit. He got into the car, and I reached behind the passenger seat and got out my bike helmet…and strapped it on! If that wasn’t enough – we live in a small village without a police dept, so the only cops we have are the occasional county sheriff dept (and not very often). The first car we meet, at a very tough intersection…the sheriff!! I’m in my bike helmet…waving. Jakob’s trying to concentrate on the road. I think the cop just tried to ignore us!!!

Driving “out by the lake”…now that sounds nice!!! And look…you’re still in one piece…so you’re driving turned out just fine!!!

On…a different note…so, so awesome how you’re drawn to taking on the challenges that come into life – that’s such a great way to “live”….

Robin, thank you so much for sharing your story here…and for an even deeper reminder of how good it is to really embrace the challenges.

Love and big, big hugs,


Robin Easton May 4, 2011 at 2:31 pm

I laughed out LOUD over you in the helmet!!! Oh maaaaan. You are a hoot. I also have to tell you that while my husband and I were walking last night I told him about your post and we both laughed our heads off, and then we spent the whole next hour walking and sharing stories of learning to drive. It was just SUCH a heart warming talk that came about because of you!! Hugs, hugs, hugs. Robin 🙂 🙂
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Lance May 4, 2011 at 4:10 pm

Great memories…that’s what I think as I read your words. These moments, in addition to being great learning moments, also create memories for us to hold onto (like you and driving with your father…and with your mother!).

Hugs and squealing tires!


Dave May 3, 2011 at 1:36 pm

Hi Lance, glad everything worked out well. 🙂

You’re right. It’s too easy to see yourself as the guy who’s always crashing and lose sight of just how great it is to be driving.

It’s about time I climbed back into the drivers seat again!

Thanks for this.



Lance May 4, 2011 at 2:29 pm

Me too!! I’m glad our repairs were minor…and hey, Cam’s now an expert with drywall too!!!

Here’s to getting in that driver’s seat (because we can!) and embracing wherever that leads us!

Great to see you here today!!


Evita May 3, 2011 at 2:07 pm

Hi Lance

A great story indeed

It is so often that we have these moments in our life where in the moment, we DID do the right thing, and just because it did not turn out the way we wanted or the way we imagined it would, does not make it wrong. It is only when we look back at the past, and the different choices we could have made that we start to feel bad. But in that moment when you said YES to your son, your inner being was guiding you to that exact decision. There is a bigger reason for all of it and I thank you for exemplifying this for all of us.

We need not fear life. We need not regret or live in the past. We simply must be conscious in the moment of now and live.
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Lance May 4, 2011 at 2:34 pm

…and this will be a great memory for us to hold onto, also…

As I read your comment, I’m drawn to this idea of our intuition…and how I really believe I listened to my intuition, in that moment. Did it turn out how I expected it to? No way. Was there good that came from this, though? Definitely. And who knows the full impact this had on Cameron – as he grows (and really does get his license to drive).


rob white May 3, 2011 at 3:10 pm

Ha ha… I have quite a vivid image of the two of you sheepishly grinning in the aftermath. That’s what I would call a wonderful OOPS moment (Open to Other Possible Solutions). We use the enchanting four letter word OOPS to comfort and inspire children when they’re struggling with something. We adults are much harsher and unforgiving with ourselves. It’s time to get back to OOPS; it is time to Open to Other Possible Solutions when what we’re doing isn’t working.
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Lance May 4, 2011 at 2:48 pm

Ha!! Yes…that grin was a bit on the sheepish side!!

Although, here’s the thing – since that happened, my wife (who has never taken our 12 yr old out in the car) let him drive into the garage after that (and he did is successfully). And that’s an OOPS moment right there – something that wouldn’t have come about had we not crashed into the house!

By the way – I love the OOPS acronym!!


Tim May 3, 2011 at 6:02 pm

Hi Lance:

Thanks for sharing your story here…it’s a great reminder that sometimes the most valuable lessons come from failure, losing or disappointment. As a sports fan, I’ve seen it many times. As a human being, I’ve experienced it myself many times. I like how you ended your post…with possibility. This means that any endeavor we decide to take, whether we succeed or fail, is bound to teach us valuable lessons. Thank you again for writing about such an important topic!
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Lance May 4, 2011 at 2:50 pm

It’s in how we look at our situation, isn’t it. When we look with possibility, these moments are ones which can catapult us to new levels (like how to repair drywall, for Cameron!) (wait: maybe that’s not catapulting…it’s still good stuff, though!)

Great to have you here, Tim!


Rob May 3, 2011 at 6:09 pm

Hey Lance,
A story close to my heart. We cannot say yes everytime our children ask, but we shouldn’t say no everytime either.
I seek to empower my children in similar ways. The best point is not yelling about an inanimate object (drywall). This can be replaced. A child’s ability to relate to mishaps, not so much.


Lance May 4, 2011 at 2:57 pm

…and I’ve certainly said “no” to this little guy…(and I’ve said “yes” a lot, too)

That’s it – when we empower – there’s just such a great take away from this – and in how this young man will also relate to other so-called failures in this life journey of his.

Great having you here!


Suzie Cheel May 3, 2011 at 6:43 pm

Gotta love those learning moments Lance, thanks for sharing. Now have you been reading my mind from across the waves?
I know I have been holding back on really putting my brilliance out there as I decide what I really want to be when I grow up. Which one of my many hats will I wear today. Well I feel I am on the verge of breaking through and it is time to color the world.
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Lance May 4, 2011 at 3:00 pm

Yes, this was a great learning moment!!

I love how you’re stating publicly here that you’ve limited your brilliance. Not because you’ve limited it – because you are stating, out loud, your intention to even more fully shine your brilliance!! And that’s so awesome (which, by the way – I happen to think you already shine so brilliantly…so very much looking forward to this on a deeper level)>

Big hugs,


Tess The Bold Life May 3, 2011 at 7:01 pm

OMG thanks for sharing this story. I was with you guys in the car experiencing the entire thing! I’m glad all ended well. What am I not doing that I want to do??? Making videos for my blog. Thanks for the inspiration.
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Lance May 4, 2011 at 3:02 pm

Wouldn’t it have been fun to be in the backseat as this was all happening!!!

Woohoo!!! Videos!!! I love it!! And that’s something I’ve been thinking about, too!! Maybe we can bounce our video “crashes” off of each other!


DorleeM May 3, 2011 at 7:08 pm

Hi Lance,

Thanks so much for sharing this story.

It’s such a beautiful one…

I love how accepting and open you were to your son having made a mistake and in fact, using the story to illustrate the importance and necessity of making mistakes in order to be able to have the most personal growth and be open to seeing the possibility in yourself!



Lance May 4, 2011 at 3:19 pm

This little guy loves to try new things, loves to help out, loves to jump in. And sometimes…it doesn’t go as expected. I’m always amazed at his resolve, though. And this was on of those moments – where he didn’t let this “incident” stop him from exploring and living his life. It’s really so, so awesome having him in my life…

And thank you so much for being here, and for sharing in this moment.


Angela Artemis May 3, 2011 at 8:22 pm

Hi Lance,
Thanks for sharing this story. I’ve had many of my own Crash and Learn moments, so I can totally relate. I’ve learned many of my lessons that way. I’m glad there wasn’t too much damage and that both of you were okay too. Just think what a great story this will be to tell around the Thanksgiving table to your son’s children though?
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Lance May 4, 2011 at 3:28 pm

The “damage” gave us another moment of hanging out together and working on a project (home repair!) – so that was all good, too.

And yes, Thanksgivings in years to come will be filled with many great past memories (like this one)!

These moments where we “crash”, they sure have the potential to be filled with learning (if we allow that).


Giulietta Nardone May 3, 2011 at 8:23 pm

Hi Lance,

Wonderful that you trusted your son to do his own learning, including hitting the wall. Next time he’ll move over more to the other side or maybe the garage will just be permanently wider.

So often we view learning as something that can only be done with your fanny in a seat (really a low high-chair when you think about it, all penned in.) facing forward while someone kinda blabs at you. Learning happens every moment of our precious lives.

Too much of a teen’s life is waiting, waiting, waiting to be old enough to live. Really silly. Then after all that waiting and preparing, we end up rotting from the inside out in a cubicle not much bigger than a dog’s crate. Crates for humans?

Who dreamed up this way to live? I actively participate in my own life – sing, walk, design, write, paint, rebel, question. Don’t have time for any more waiting. (Hey Godot isn’t coming …)

Enjoyed this very much! Giulietta
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Lance May 4, 2011 at 4:01 pm

Ha!!! Yes, I would LIKE a permanently wider garage…maybe you’re onto something here!!! An opportunity!!!

That “learning from a book” compared to really “learning by doing”…it’s the real life experiences that have the biggest impact on our learning. (so let’s get out from behind our high chairs!)

Yes, let’s live our lives from what feels right for each of us – singing, dancing, jumping, hiking, rebeling, questioning, living…

And let’s spend less time “waiting” for the right moment to do it…and just take that leap!

Your words, Guilietta, they really reach to my soul…thank you so, so much…


Keith May 3, 2011 at 8:47 pm

Hello Lance,

It is soooo good to be here again. I loved your story and it definitely reminds me of teaching my three daughters to drive. I remember once, while driving around a parking lot with my oldest daughter ( who is now 23!!) . I was teaching her to judge where the front of the vehicle is while pulling up to one of those small parking curbs in front of a building. As she was pulling up to it she accidentally stepped on the accelerator pedal instead of the brake pedal. Well, we lurched forward, jumped the curb, and was headed for the building when she found the brake. We came to a whiplash-inducing sudden stop and she turned and looked at me with eyes as big as saucers! LOL I just calmly said “Good Job Jennifer! You found that brake pedal when it really mattered!” Then we laughed, her nervously and me hysterically.

The point of your post strikes a chord within me, and for a few reasons. I am in the midst of evaluating my life and there are changes I want to make. Perhaps I have been holding myself back. Thank you for helping me to see this.

I am grateful. Lance, You’re alright……



Robin Easton May 3, 2011 at 8:54 pm

Dear Keith, I laughed out loud over YOUR endearing story here. It is so beautiful. You remind me of how my dad responded to things like that. Also loved the part about reevaluating your life. It REALLY resonates with me and encourages me on my own reevaluating. Hugs dear friend. 🙂
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Lance May 4, 2011 at 4:08 pm

I laughed out loud too!!!

I’m thinking you, Keith, and I should go on a road trip!!! Think of the fun that would be!!!


Lance May 4, 2011 at 4:07 pm

Hi Keith,
It’s great seeing you here!!

That’s right – Jennifer found the brake when it was really needed!! And it all turned out okay. I have to share – my daughter, Bekah, is 14. I’ve also had her out on these very short trips also (except I’ve never let her drive into the garage). The first time she drove, she got into the driver’s seat…and then she said “which one’s the brake?”. Yikes!! And then…she stepped on the accelerator a bit more than she needed to and we skidded out onto the road!! Great learning moments!

Thanks so much for sharing your experience with Jennifer…and if you have a minute, stop back and check out my reply to Robin’s comment, up above – another fun driving story with my oldest son!

Here’s to finding moments of laughter…even in moments like these!

Keith, I wish you much peach in the changes you’re pondering. And know, too, that I’m out here, if there’s ever anything I can do to support you.

Be well,


Chris Edgar May 3, 2011 at 9:51 pm

Hi Lance — thanks for this story. I’ve been reflecting on the same kind of issue myself — that, for a long time, after I graduated from college, I had this notion that I was supposed to be perfect and not make any mistakes, because making a mistake would ruin my “track record,” and so everything I did was supposed to be predictable and oriented toward “climbing the ladder.” Over the past several years I’ve been taking a decidedly different approach to life, putting all this creative stuff out there and opening myself to criticism. It’s been painful at times but a great ride.


Lance May 4, 2011 at 4:19 pm

Ahhh…I can really relate to this. I’ve felt myself in this same place – feeling like there is some “image” to uphold. And the real truth is – it’s best to just be me (as perfect and imperfect as that is).

So good to hear that your listening to that voice within. Even with the pain that sometimes comes from this, the rewards are so, so worth it. And that is really “living” life…


Colleen May 4, 2011 at 7:52 am

“…there Cam and I sit, a slight wave to her…”

Priceless. If only a picture was taken of the wave. But I guess when the wife’s home is potentially crashing down around her, pictures are not a top priority. [grins]
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Lance May 4, 2011 at 4:19 pm

Umm, right, the camera wasn’t on the top of our listen in that moment!!! (ha!!!)


Chris Barba May 4, 2011 at 8:08 am

Ha! Great story Lance.

If you don’t crash every now and again, you’re probably not trying new things. Everyone should take a dip into the unknown, nay perhaps a cannon ball like plunge. But like you said, with it will come the inevitable crash. It happened to you and your son, it happens to successful people (that’s probably why they’re successful), it even happens to great and well-known business’s like Disney who tried opening a park in Virginia that was less than a hit.

(Glad to see your car didn’t have any damage!)

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Lance May 4, 2011 at 9:51 pm


And that’s right – no crashes mean we’re not getting ourselves out there and trying new things…and that’s stagnation.

No car damage…that’s the bonus in this!!

Thanks for stopping by today!


suzen May 4, 2011 at 9:04 am

Hi Lance! What a perfect quote first of all – LOVE that! Then the story – how precious really! We all have to learn so so many things and sometimes the WAY we learn is more important than WHAT we’ve learned. I’ve crashed myself so many times it is a wonder I’m not mummified from the bruises of self-inflicted “learning”! That alone is a testament to how well we can heal our own selves as well! Great post!


Lance May 4, 2011 at 9:53 pm

Ha!! I love it…”mummified from the bruises”!! And that’s it – we CAN heal, and when we do…we’re just that much stronger (mentally, physically, spiritually…). So, here’s to keeping the crashes coming (although I’m okay if they’re not into the side of my house!).

Big hugs,


Evelyn Lim May 4, 2011 at 9:16 am

I wouldn’t have dared said yes to my kids, if a similar situation arise. Not that I can. The roads in Singapore are far too busy. And cars here are extremely expensive.

But…but…I love the messages in your story. It’s about possibility, bending rules, learning to laugh, going with the flow, openness. Through a singular event, you have taught your son so much. It’s better than asking him to read a personal development book. You have demonstrated, through responding to your son’s asking, about saying yes to adventures.
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Lance May 4, 2011 at 9:56 pm

In all fairness, yes – this road is a very, very quiet road (and my car…not so expensive!!).

The going out there and doing – that’s where the real lessons in our life come from – sometimes through really big successes, sometimes from big flops, and anywhere in between. It does take us going out there and doing, though…to let that adventure begin…


Little Lessons Under the Big Sky May 4, 2011 at 9:27 am

Whew! Deep breath. Noone was hurt in the making of this blog story. Well, that is, only a few shovels. To be honest with you, I am ready to run over my snow shovels ON PURPOSE!!!! lol

My son keeps asking the same thing, Lance. So far, it has been a “no” because I haven’t found a safe place near our home (too much traffic and pedestrian use). But, I digress….your point is very good. We all have to “crash and learn” (nice analogy btw!) and it is really in those moments that we grow.

I seem to be growing leaps and bounds this year:)

So happy to have you back to the writing scene. I savor each and every post!
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Lance May 4, 2011 at 10:02 pm

That’s right!! No one was hurt in the making of this blog story!! Yay!!

And…Jen…I am so, so, so with you there on those snow shovels – so maybe this was a little nudge toward warmer weather, too!!

I’m finding I am much more relaxed with our third child. Would I have let our oldest drive when he was 12? No way!

Jen, I am so looking forward to the unveiling (and journey) of this next version of your sharing…I connect very much with all that you share.

Here’s to a great rest of this year as we crash and learn and laugh and have fun!!!!

And – when your son starts driving…good times in your neighborhood!!

Big love,


Debbie @ Happy Maker May 4, 2011 at 9:47 am

Hi Lance,

I am guessing that your son realized he needs a little more practice? Wonderful learning lesson and I hope he appreciates your patience and understanding.

We do have to let children along with ourselves make mistakes. It is those mistakes that teach them and with the way you handled it lets him know, that it is ok to try even if you don’t get it right the first time.

For myself I was always told when growing up that I never did anything right. I have now learned to overcome this, but at times it does resurface. Right now I am trying to put together a program on my site to help people with solutions to there relationship and happiness problems. I do hold myself back, because of my past. I am going to keep pushing myself out of my comfort zone because I really believe I can help others.

Thank you for the story it is a big help to me knowing we all have to try even if we fail the first time. WE LEARN.
Blessing to you,


Lance May 4, 2011 at 10:30 pm

…and my son is all for a little more practice, too!! (i.e. he has “crashed” and is ready to get back behind the wheel). And that’s a lesson for all of us – we don’t have to be embarrassed when we “crash” in life, and we don’t have to let it stop us from getting back out there and trying again.

Debbie, I’m sure that was a challenge on your self-confidence, hearing these things growing up. And what a great gift this will be – helping others in their own lives! I KNOW you CAN help others…I sense very much your passion and love behind all of this.

I’m cheering you on as you move forward in your journey.

Much love,


Debbie @ Happy Maker May 6, 2011 at 11:19 am

Thank you for your kind words Lance. They are appreciated. When we learn about ourselves we can change the out come of our life.

I am trying to change the price of gas right now, so it can save us all many bunches of money and if you can help by checking out my video on youtube and my site I would appreciate it.

You son is very lucky to have a wonderful father like you. Blessing to you.


Justin | Mazzastick May 4, 2011 at 10:27 am

No harm no foul. I probably would have let my son drive as well.
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Lance May 4, 2011 at 10:31 pm

That’s right…and all’s good!!!

Here’s to life experiences…and the lessons we take from them…


Alex Blackwell | The BridgeMaker May 4, 2011 at 10:41 am

Wonderful story Lance. It’s true, if we’re not making mistakes, then we’re not learning. It’s hard to do anything right the first time. So, bring on the mistakes and then enjoy the new knowledge gained!



Lance May 4, 2011 at 10:32 pm

Yes!!! Let’s bring on the mistakes…and continue to soar toward our own greatness (which is within each of us)!

Thanks for the visit, Alex – it’s great having you here.


J.D. Meier May 4, 2011 at 10:49 am

Accidents happen. It’s definitely a part of living and learning.

Whenever I’m worried about making mistakes, I decide to start making some, and get over it fast. I always learn a lot of ways how NOT to do something, but that’s part of the process.
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Lance May 4, 2011 at 10:34 pm

Yes, accidents sure are part of our living (and learning).

And in that process of learning how NOT to do something…we also learn how to do it – and do it well!!


Christian Hollingsworth May 4, 2011 at 12:38 pm

The crashes have been the best. The crashes are when I’ve learned the most. Although the crashes in life are often painful, and a little discomforting; they’re worth it. You get bruised up, and then get back up. STRONGER.

Appreciate your story. Thank you for sharing.
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Lance May 4, 2011 at 10:38 pm

That’s it – as painful as our “crashes” can be, there’s so much we gain from them! Especially when we really see this as a learning moment – and get back out there and try again.

Thanks for the visit Christian – it’s great having you here!


Kevin Tyler Smith May 4, 2011 at 1:22 pm

Great story Lance.

I’ve always wanted to play the piano but yet I’ve
never seriously committed to learning. Don’t
know why, but one of these days I’ll have a
little discussion with myself to quit holding
back because we only come this way once
and we won’t be here forever.

Thanks for sharing your story and stirring
a little inspiration within myself with your
closing remarks/questions.


Kevin Tyler Smith
Guarding Shalom
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Lance May 4, 2011 at 10:41 pm

Thanks for sharing one of those things in your life that you want to do, yet have not done. Stating this publicly is a first step toward doing it. And I encourage you to give the piano a shot…it sounds like it is really calling your name…


Jody - Fit at 53 May 4, 2011 at 2:13 pm

LOVE that quote at the beginning cause I am so like that!!! I have never had the best memory & hubby does so it drives him crazy that I say – I will not remember – show me!!!! 🙂

Really interesting quote! I have crashed & burned more times than I like to think about – which sometimes stops me from trying now BUT you have me thinking again!
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Lance May 4, 2011 at 10:44 pm

Me too!! (on that quote) Just ask my kids (or my wife) – they’ll tell you my memory is completely gone already!!!

This whole moment has had me thinking, too – where do I limit myself because I think I might fail (and look foolish). the truth is, though – besides me, who is likely to remember, anyway (probably no one). So, I’m ready to crash!!! (..said a bit hesitantly…)


Patricia - Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworker May 4, 2011 at 2:29 pm

The first time that my dad told me to drive the family truck, I was scared to death. My dad was not a calm dad in the passenger seat. He yelled and he cussed (Southern slang for cursed). I was driving an old truck that had a lot of slack in the steering wheel. I couldn’t get it to turn soon enough and I ran into a hug pile of dirt instead of going around it like I tried to do. I wasn’t on a road with this first driving experience. I was driving in a cow pasture near our house. Daddy never gave me another driving lesson.

I love the way that you were calm and supportive of your son even when he hit the side of the garage. You are a great dad. Mine wasn’t.
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Lance May 5, 2011 at 5:51 am

It’s challenging when we’re in environments that aren’t conducive to learning. And especially at an impressionable age, and when we really do want to learn. So, I’m really sorry to hear about your own personal driving experience (and experience in general) with your father.



~ Bern ~ May 4, 2011 at 2:43 pm

Another point of view is that there was no crash and nothing went wrong. What’s really wrong with dinging up dry wall or scratching the car? We can believe that events had bad outcomes, but everything just is as it is. No disrespect was intended. If anything, the garage was loved all the more. Perhaps we need to drive outside the lines and parameters of what we perceive as normal. Maybe its time to drive on the other side of the road. Maybe its time not to have dividing lines on the road. Maybe its time to lose the erasers and paint and draw outside the lines of our colouring books. Maybe we can all learn to drive through the walls to the other side for a change. The children perhaps know the way to a brand new world of possibilities.
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Lance May 5, 2011 at 5:54 am

I love it – no crash at all!

Yes, the garage wall is more typically ignored…so here we were, giving her some time and attention.

And then – the whole concept of driving outside the lines – always such a good reminder, and one that is good for me to have reinforced, as well. Here’s to all the new possibilities that await….


Dr. J May 4, 2011 at 2:46 pm

Sitting on my grandfather’s lap and driving as a kid is a wonderful memory for me! Later at 16 he gave me real instructions. They included 1) The most important thing in driving is NERVE! and 2) Always use the accelerator over the brake! Fortunately, I was old enough even then to filter that advice 🙂


Lance May 5, 2011 at 5:56 am

Dr. J,
Ha!! Yes, great job on filtering that advice!

This also reminds me of my daughter, who is 14, and I’ve also taken out a couple of times down our road. The first time she got into the car, she said “which one’s the brake??”. I was scared!! And then she squealed the tires and off we went!! (I’ve NOT let her drive into the garage yet!!)


Aileen | Kaizen Vision May 4, 2011 at 4:33 pm

“See the possibility in you, and then go out and crash…and learn…and grow.” – reading this makes me realize how long I went on being so afraid of something “bad” happening – when all along – crashing was a viable option.

How wonderful your children have you to show them it’s all okay to “go out and crash…and learn…and grow.”
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Lance May 5, 2011 at 5:58 am

I just love how you’ve said that ~ that crashing is a viable option! Because, yes, we (I) can forget that sometimes. And when forgot, we (I) can limit what’s possible….

And that’s right – my children teach me so, so much…


Audra Krell May 4, 2011 at 4:54 pm

Wow Lance, way to live the adventure! But I agree, 12 might be a hair young? : ) You are a very cool dad though, as many here have acknowledged.
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Lance May 5, 2011 at 6:02 am

Hahaha!!! This is definitely that child that has brought on a few grey hairs for me!!

Speaking of cool…that’s YOU!!! (and thank you…)


Therese Miu May 4, 2011 at 10:02 pm

Hi Lance, It looks like I’m late for the partay here lol 😉 I love this story. I think there’s been many times I held myself back. First it was speaking in public (yikes!) I know people fear it the most. My goal was to speak every week and get out of my comfort zone so I did. The next one was blogging back in 2009. I wasn’t comfortable sharing parts of myself (who is anyway right?) I finally did it. Then the next one was video blogging. It took me 3 months. My first videos was crappy after a while I just became comfortable doing it. Then last year was launching my own product with Therese Cator. It was so scary… Like you said “crash…and learn…and grow” It was such a great learning experience. Cameron is definitely lucky to have a dad like you that allows experiences. It’s all about giving our kids great experiences. I know driving i dangerous but the fact that you had faith in him above all things I am sure it meant a lot to him.
Thank You for sharing Lance 😉
p.s thanks for all the love you’ve given us at our site…We appreciate it very much my friend!

Therese Miu
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Lance May 5, 2011 at 7:15 am

Hey Therese!
It’s just great having you at the partay!!!

Thanks so much for sharing these different ways that you’ve held yourself back…and how you have also moved beyond them. I think many people can relate (I know I can).

And here’s the thing – had you never done some of these things, our paths would never have crossed…so I am SO glad you did!! And just look at where you are today, from where you were a few years ago (not that I know where you were at, although I’m pretty sure you’ve taken yourself to an even higher representation of who you truly are).

And – I’m LOVING what you and Therese Cator are creating – awesome-ness!!!

Big love,


InspiringAlways May 4, 2011 at 11:58 pm

What a cool dad you are! Your son is lucky to have someone like you to guide and love. Some people grow up without a dad and they go through some other process. From experience, I must admit, it’s not the same growing up without a dad.
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Lance May 5, 2011 at 7:19 am

You are so sweet – thank you!!!

A father figure in our lives can definitely be a wonderful influence, and I do hope that my children get some meaning from our time together (I sure get that from them).

I’m really sorry to hear that your father-daughter experience wasn’t there. Still, you do so much good in this world…and what a gift that is.

Much peace,


Megan "JoyGirl!" Bord May 5, 2011 at 1:09 pm

Okay, A.) you’re the coolest dad ever. (My dad used to let me shift his VW bug when he’d pick me up from the babysitter’s house. I was 7 years old at the time, and LOVED shifting.)
B.) YES! The only way I really learn something, and learn it so that it sinks into my cells, is by trying and failing. Maybe once, or maybe a dozen times, but those little bumps into garage walls is what strengthens me for next time. Mistakes make great compasses on the path to where we’re headed.

Love you, Lance! And tell Cameron he’s a lucky kid to have you and Lora as parents (I suspect he already knows!).
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Lance May 5, 2011 at 10:57 pm

A.) I know people who would disagree with you!! (esp. a certain 14 yr old daughter of mine!!!) Hmmm….maybe I should have her read this!
A2.) You…Megan…are way, way, way too nice to me!! (not that I mind!) (thank YOU thank YOU thank YOU!!!!)
A3.) A VW bug – how cool is that!! And then – little Megan getting to shift it!! Awesome-ness!!

B.) We can hear something, we can read something – until we experience it, though – we don’t really know what that something is like. And sometimes that involves failing (or crashing). These moments are real teachers, aren’t they…

Love you, too, sweet friend…



Susie / Wise At Work May 5, 2011 at 5:22 pm

Greetings Lance.

Your story is truly one of courage and risk taking. (And of course, elicits a smile.) Although I don’t know Cameron, I’m guessing that he will admire you for decades and decades about his cool dad who trusted him so much. His parents’ ability to make this a learning moment with pragmatics, emotional evenness, and humor will serve him for a lifetime.

Thanks for your story and encouragement.


Lance May 5, 2011 at 11:01 pm

It’s great having you here!!

Thanks so much for your wonderfully sweet words – know that they really mean a lot to me. Cameron has definitely given me a few grey hairs…and still…it’s so worth it…and so worth seeing him experience life…

Thanks so much for the visit, and know that you are always welcome here…


Jewel Allen May 6, 2011 at 1:07 am

Hi Lance,

I can relate to your story. I have a 15 year old myself who is learning to drive. So far we haven’t had any crashes yet (knock on wood), although we have hit quite a few curbs :-). So I suppose you could say our story would be “taking life’s bumps” :-).

I would hope if something like this were to happen, I would be as cheerful as you!



Lance May 6, 2011 at 12:40 pm


(I just knocked on some wood for you…)

I love that ~ “taking life’s bumps”!! Yes, we have all sorts of “bumps” in our life, and it’s how we respond to those bumps that can make all the difference.

It’s great seeing you here today!!


Delena Silverfox May 6, 2011 at 2:27 am

Hi Lance,

You are the awesomest dad. I need to take away more parenting lessons from the great bloggers, I think. Maybe my parents should’ve been bloggers. =)

The best lessons we learn are what come from the mistakes we make, and what separate knowledge from wisdom. Knowledge is knowing how to do something; wisdom is doing it.

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Lance May 6, 2011 at 12:42 pm

You are so, so sweet – thank you!!!

Ha!! (about your parents!) You bring up a great point, though – there is just so much we can learn from others – and the blogosphere is a great resource to connect with like-minded people and really grow.

Great to have you here today!!


Miz May 6, 2011 at 5:05 am

Ive missed you in my life—not sure where *I* have been 🙂


Lance May 6, 2011 at 12:44 pm

(hugs and thanks)

It is sure great seeing you here today! Have fun with the Tornado!! And keep rockin’ the fitness world!!


Casper Larsen @beskatning udlejning May 6, 2011 at 7:58 am

For a long time now I have been toying around with the idea of affiliate marketing. All my evaluations spiral down to “I can’t do it, how do I even start?” I have read tons of blogs and articles about it but I keep holding myself back. I think it’s time to go out and crash!
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Lance May 6, 2011 at 12:45 pm

That’s it – you’re not going to know how it goes until you “do it”. And maybe there will be some crashed along the way…and that’s all okay. Good luck!


Jean Burman May 8, 2011 at 4:05 pm

I know the best way is to Crash and Learn… but it’s not always easy [as you learned – grin] in practice. And getting up again seems harder and harder to do as well. We can only fall down and fail so many times before despondency and defeat sets in. No one tends to talk about it. But there is a downside to trial and error. But no solution either. We have to fall down to go forward. Thanks Lance. More food for thought as always 🙂

PS My daughter stopped millimetres short of a tree when I was teaching her. Not sure how she managed it… but I WAS ever so grateful! LOL
Jean Burman´s Last Fabulous Post ..Grandma’s Pineapple Pie and why its a lot like life HAPPY MOTHERS DAYMy Profile


Lance May 8, 2011 at 8:07 pm

First off…Happy Mother’s Day to YOU!!!! {big hugs}

And – nice stop by your daughter!! I love it!!

You bring up a great point, though. It can get discouraging when we keep “crashing”. Still, without putting ourselves out there – we’ll also never know if something will work or not. Do we stay with the status quo and feel like perhaps we’re missing something more meaningful (yet, also missing some of those crashes)? Or, do we get out there and try – knowing full well that we will probably stumble a bit along the way?

I like to think I’m about going out and trying. The truth, though, is that sometimes I do hold myself back because I don’t want to fail. Is this because I don’t want to feel defeated? To some degree, I’m sure it is. And you’re making me think more deeply about this tonight (thank you).

Maybe there’s a way, if we can build up a caring support system – where we can try and fail and still be lifted up for trying, for putting ourselves out there, for living….

Jean, thank you so, so much for all that you have shared tonight. So much to think about, and so good for me to let this more deeply sink into my soul.

Big, big hugs and lots of love,


Beverley May 9, 2011 at 3:41 am

I laughed as I read about you and the helmet 🙂 … a great start to my Monday morning!
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Lance May 9, 2011 at 6:04 am

Ha!!! I don’t think my son was laughing WHILE it was happening!! Afterward, though…lots of laughs!!!

It’s great having you here, and great to “meet” you!!


Beverley May 9, 2011 at 11:05 am

thanks Lance

Yes, I am sure your son was ‘mortified’ at the time….. 🙂
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Lance May 9, 2011 at 12:19 pm

yes…he WAS!!! He laughs about it now, though (although I’m sure he would be equally mortified if I did it again!!)


jasmine May 9, 2011 at 11:21 am

Brilliant! haha, poor guy probably felt terrible after all this. What exactly did you both learn?
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Lance May 9, 2011 at 12:21 pm

I think he did feel bad about it – although, he bounces back really fast.

And – I learned even more clearly that I can make a mistake, and life goes on. And that in these moments, if we can find some humor, it’s really not as bad as it appears at first.

Thanks for the visit!


Sally May 10, 2011 at 12:33 pm

Crash & learn is something we all go through. The best part is when we get back up on our feet again from that hard knock. thanks for sharing.

How To Install Cellular Shades
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Lance May 10, 2011 at 3:39 pm

Thanks for stopping by, it’s great to have you here!

Getting back up…the sign of a real winner!


Natalia May 11, 2011 at 8:13 am

Lance! I LOVE that you let your son drive. What a beautiful, fun, memory you’ve created with him. He and probably you, will NEVER forget it! 🙂

I still struggle with fear and the feeling of I’m not good enough. The fear is pretty paralyzing. The fear of failure the worst. So I’m holding myself back in even trying. I know that the best way to learn is through our mistakes, and what doesn’t work, but I get stuck in the process. It’s tough to overcome! But I have to, somehow, because teaching my son with words alone, is not enough. I have to model for him. I have to find a way to power though my fears, so that he can learn to power through his.

Great post!
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Lance May 11, 2011 at 11:24 am


Cam is the child who seems to attract these type of *ahem* situations!!! (he has since he was a baby!)

What’s interesting is that I’ve been through a couple of things recently that have felt like they could be failures. And the thing is, in all likelihood, it’s only me who is really remembering them. It’s been a big take away for me from all of this – how, when I fail, life goes on. And many times, it’s better after that – if there’s something I can take from this moment.

Anyway, you’re right on – it’s our actions more than our words that have a lasting impact with our kids. So…here’s to crashing!!

(not sure if it matters – know, though, that I’ll support you any way I can…)

Big hugs,


Shivam Garg May 11, 2011 at 9:57 am

Hey Lance,
Kudos to you for giving your young son a chance to drive. There is no one in this world who would learn anything without failing many times.But on the other hand in times of failure one must not lose confidence.
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Lance May 11, 2011 at 11:25 am

Great to “meet” you!

And that’s it – if we can fail, and still come away confident in our abilities…now that’s a one two punch! And this little guy – he’s got that!!

Thanks for visiting!


Hilary May 14, 2011 at 3:26 pm

Hi Lance .. oh oh .. probably a good thing it happened in the house!!??!! .. when I was learning in our drive at home .. if I’d hit the wrong pedal .. I’d have been in a main road – nearly did it once – the emergency braking helped!! I stopped at the gate in future, not on the apron after the gate!

Glad you’re both well – good story to dine out on .. but hate to think what your wife really thought …. cheers and a big hug to the boys! – Hilary
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Lance May 14, 2011 at 5:41 pm

Hi!! Yes, this was probably the best place it could have happened! A main road would NOT have been good! (and I only let him drive on our very un-busy street, so no traffic to worry about.

Emergency brake – I never even thought of that!!

Big hugs to you too!!!


Hilary May 14, 2011 at 11:36 pm

Hi Lance .. may be you need to learn to drive?!?!?! and take a test?!??!? and do some emergency stopping?!?!?! Crumpets – have a lovely buttery one .. they’re delicious .. not this time of year though .. cheers and a big hug for Sunday .. Hilary
Hilary´s Last Fabulous Post ..The laughing policeman- the railways- welsh gold- treason more Royal Wedding Day Memories– two weeks later part 3-3My Profile


Lance May 16, 2011 at 7:41 am

Ha!!!! Hmmm….was I ever good at tests!?!?!?

Have a super week ahead!!


Andrew Walker May 16, 2011 at 4:35 am

Your story reminds me of my childhood! I was only a 6th grader when i played around inside my family parked car and i release the hand brake (since i thought i can easily brake again). It turn out the car started to roll back and go towards my neighbor’s house!!! My mom who panicked could not do anything since she told me to pull the hand brake and press the brake but I did not know what to do.
The car stop by itself about inches from my neighbor’s parking garage and I learned a big lesson not to play around with the hand brake!
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Lance May 16, 2011 at 7:40 am

Yikes!!!! And…what a feeling of relief, I’m sure, as that car rolled to a stop!!

Thanks for sharing your story!!


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