“Fears are nothing more than a state of mind” ~ Napoleon Hill
This past weekend provided us with a few last gorgeous autumn days this year. And a great opportunity to get outside and do some work around the house before the upcoming winter. That meant things like raking leaves, putting away summer items, taking down Halloween decorations, and cleaning out the rain gutters on our house.
Fear.
The whole idea of cleaning out our rain gutters means that I have to get up on the roof to clear the leaves that have fallen into them. And I have this unhealthy fear of heights. Oh, I’ve gotten better over the years. It’s helped that I’ve challenged myself in this area. But still, the fear remains. I’ve gotten much better at being on the lower level of our roof. However, the second level is still very “scary” to me.
I climb up very carefully, and then I only sit and scoot along as I clean out these gutters high in the air. This fear I have holds me back from standing up, from walking, from feeling at ease. Until recently, I used to have my father (thanks, Dad!) do this job whenever he visited — anything to get out of going up there where I felt unsure of myself. Up where fear overcame me — and held me back.
Fear.
Does fear hold you back? Are there fears in your life that keep you from doing certain things with your life?
Think for a minute about being a child, and being afraid of the dark. Why were we afraid of the dark? Because we couldn’t see. And that’s not unlike many of the fears we have today as well. Maybe we fear failing — and don’t try something new — because we don’t know what the end result will look like (we can’t see it in our minds). Or maybe we fear the unknown (we can’t see what we don’t know). Maybe the idea of success, as Ari discusses, is a very real fear for us. Sometimes our fears come about because of everything we hear in our world (media, politics, friends, coworkers, etc), as CK Reyes discusses. Or whatever it is that we fear.
It’s normal to have some of these fears. Nobody lives their life without some fear from time to time. It’s normal, but that doesn’t mean we have to just accept these fears in our life. The key is to realize that many of these fears are a state of our mind. And our mind — we can change! It may not be easy or happen overnight (my fear of heights, for instance). It may create new fears as we try to resolve what holds us back. It might make us feel uneasy as we take those initial steps to overcoming what it is that holds us back from our great potential.
It might be any number of these things. However, in conquering our fears, we can take ourselves to new heights (not like the roof example!). New heights as we overcome some of the stumbling blocks, the fears, that keep us from reaching our great potential we have within us.
It’s there, in all of you! Greatness. You — every one of you — have within you the awesome power to be great! Great in your own special way. And to reach this greatness that is within each of you — you have to overcome the fears that hold you back from reaching this awesome potential within.
Take big bold steps, take baby steps — do whatever works for you to begin to turn these fears into positives in your life. Do this, and you will soar! Your greatness is waiting to be released!
Fear certainly can hold me back, sometimes with good reason too.
But it’s the irrational fears I hold that annoy me.
The fears of fully letting go and being myself. I wonder if I’m worried about exactly what I’ll be letting go of. Will I discover that ‘being myself’ means being a lazy slob who’d love to live out the rest of my life sitting in an armchair watching TV. I doubt that’s what I really am, but I wonder if I’m too scared to find out?
More pondering required.
Thanks Lance.
Dave Fowler´s last blog post..What I Learnt From Crashing The Car – Part 2
Hi Lance — I’m with you on the fear of heights. I’m even fearful for others when they are up high! Once Pete was up on my roof and lost his balance but self-corrected before falling and I thought I’d have a heart attack! Not so concrete fears are more difficult. I read a great book called Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, which suggests doing the same thing as you do. Acknowledging your fear seems to help, as in “Okay, I’m afraid of this, but I’m going to go ahead because I have to do it.” Just keep taking those baby steps up by the gutters, though, okay?
Betsy Wuebker´s last blog post..VOTE
and so what I have said to you before…I know…that when I fear I worry when I worry I PRAY for what I dont want.
so I try. struggle. work on. not fearing.
MizFit´s last blog post..An Apple A Day…
Great article Lance. Fear is definitely one of those things that locks people into complacency and not changing and expanding themselves. Overcoming fear is also something that comes with practice so taking on the simple fears you have and learning to overcome them will help you to then tackle the larger fears in your life. Doing this, unleashes you to step outside your comfort zone, take on new things and expand your abilities in any new area. It gets easier and easier so just start small and practice!
Fear is something that holds me back for sure. I am lucky to come to know a few techniques that can effectively address my fears. I sure do not want to be handicapped by my negative imaginary thoughts. The feeling of freedom from having overcomed fear is definitely something to relish! Yes, I agree with you. I like the idea of moving on to greater heights.
Evelyn Lim´s last blog post..My Out-of-Body Experiences
This reminds me of the movie “Everybody Loves Bob” I think that’s what it’s called…baby steps babys steps.…
I think our biggest fear is of failing. Whenever we want to do something new or are looking for change, we get so fearful of not making it. I think once we accept that failure is a part of life, we would be less fearful. Those who don’t fail are boring people, we need to take risks, be challanged, and that dosen’t always mean we make it.….
Lance,
Thanks for the link love! Yes, fear can be unlearned — I believe we are born with some instinctive fears, but most of fear is a learned reaction. What we can learn, we can unlearn. Something like cognitive-behavioral therapy is a great way to deal with it.
It’s usually past painful life experience (it doesn’t even have to be your own — if someone tells you about how he fell from a high place and got hurt, that can instill a fear of heights) that makes you afraid. In your mind, you get this equation of A->B->C. So unlearning fear is to rewrite that script: A->D->E. A is the input/situation, B is your fear and C is the potential consequence. But it’s often the B, not the A, that causes the painful consequence. By rewiring your mind to react differently to certain inputs/situations, you can increase the likelihood of a better result.
As they say, the only thing to fear is the fear itself.
ari
Ari Koinuma´s last blog post..Fear of Success: Why, and How to Beat It
The fear I have the most difficulty with is the fear of abandonment. I start to feel desperate if I believe someone important to me is rejecting me or tossing me out. I let it freak me out and send me into a depression where I get stuck.
I also have this fear that my in laws will out live me! ;O)
I guess there is some healthy fear out there that keeps us from trying to run across a busy freeway holding a butcher knife, but most fear does us no good. Why worry about something that COULD happen. Instead, have a healthy respect for the foundation of the fear ie falling off the roof, and take precautions, don’t dance up there. I think a lot of fear is evil whispering in your ear so you won’t do something big and glorious.
The sensation of fear is a natural development to provide enough resources to handle any danger that presents itself to one. As developed and conscious beings, it is up to us to develop the dispassion to recognize for fear for an instinctual development and stop further reaction to it after the necessary action has been taken. This takes effort and practice but can be learnt.
rummuser´s last blog post..A Magnificent Story.
I am with you on fear of heights. Although for me, it comes alive when heights go along with rides. Just seeing roller coaster rides on t.v. gives me goose bumps.
Avani-Mehta´s last blog post..Top 8 Productivity Hacks — #1
Lance, great post. I see you are getting ahead on your Napoleon Hill Reading.
You are so right that fear holds us back from reaching our potential. I think it is the foundation of all failure. Maybe it goes deeper. I’ll have to think about that. I think of all the chapters in Think and Grow Rich I am looking forward to the one on fear the most — I want to squash out all fear in my life so that I can reach my full potential.
Ari hits it right on with the cognitive behavioral therapy and how we can rewrite our equation to overcome fear. Anything that has been learned, can be unlearned or changed.
The fear of heights is not one that effects me. My dad used to do some roofing. When I was a girl I would go to work with him sometimes and just walk around on the roof. My brother on the other hand was terrified. I started to tell you about the time he fell off a roof, but maybe I shouldn’t do that right now.
He didn’t get hurt luckily.
I’ve got to go check out Ari’s post…
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Hi Lance — fear does hold folk back doesn’t it. My worst fears are when I have to do something where I’m not completely in control of the outcome.
I think fear holds all of us back at some point. While fear can have protective qualities, it’s often irrational. I have fear of heights too and yet I ski… getting over my fear of heights in order to experience the thrill of skiing was one of the most freeing experiences of my life.
Bold steps and baby steps combined! It’s great when we can recognize fear and then overcome it– such a huge accomplishment!
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Fear does not hold me back. It makes me run harder and faster, and sometimes a bit too careless, but it never keeps me penned.
Writer Dad´s last blog post..Let’s Get Our Kids Drunk! or Happy Halloween!
Thanks for the reminder. Yes, I have fears. Working on overcoming it.
FitMom´s last blog post..A few “race ready” meals for the athlete in the family!
Man, fear is the word of the day in the blogosphere.
Fear doesnt hold me back in life: in regards to accomplishments or going for what I want, but personally, on an intellectal level, it does. Im scared to be vulnerable, Im scared to have people view me as weak. This leads to a lot of over thinking, a lot of careful steps, and a lot of holding in my feelings when it comes to personal relationships.
Kelly Turner
http://www.groundedfitness.com
Grounded Fitness´s last blog post..Healthy Eating, Disordered Mind?
Fear is… worthless. Just like jealousy and worry! Yea, fear might sometimes protect us in a survival aspect, but for all practical purposes these days, it is worthless. I wish I could get rid of it entirely. I fear rejection. I fear a wasted life. I fear failure. I fear pursuing the wrong career or hobby.
Where to begin conquering those fears is sometimes hard to find. I am always looking for different ways to do so. Thanks, Lance.
And by the way: “Do this, and you will soar!“
Not the best advice for someone trying to conquer the fear of heights! Lol
- Jack Rugile
Simple Sapien
Simple Sapien´s last blog post..Simple Challenge #3: Show Your Appreciation
JACK: Hi Jack, I laughed at your closing remarks to Lance
I just wondered if you really feel that fear is worthless. I’ve always found it can keep me sharp and focussed (though I’d concede that it can also lead to confusion and inaction). I’d like to be able to control it better but I don’t think I’d want to eradicate it.
Just curious to hear your point of view expanded a little.
Cheers
Dave.
Dave Fowler´s last blog post..What I Learnt From Crashing The Car – Part 2
@Dave — Ha, that’s funny Dave (the fat slob watching tv bit…) — who knows where self-discovery could lead! On a more serious note — the irrational fears — they are sometimes the hardest to overcome…but getting there can really provide some enlightenment into who we really are.
@Betsy — Believe me Betsy, there are ONLY going to be baby steps when I’m up high! I can’t imagine losing my balance — that would be enough to keep me from ever going up again! These not-so-concrete fears — yes, they are the ones that can be the most difficult to overcome — and acknowledging the fear is the first step in making the necessary changes to overcome. The book you’ve recommended sounds like a perfect companion in dealing with this — I’ll have to add it to my list of books to read!
@MizFit — Fear and worry…two things that go together all too well…like a vicious circle — stop one of these and you break this endless loop. Or at least slow it down to where you can get into more control of these fears and worries…
@Mike — Complacency — excellent point Mike — how often do we become complacent — and not realize it’s because we fear what might happen if we “go for it” in our lives. I know I’ve been there. Baby steps — right Mike? Start with the small things that we fear and work on conquering them — and as we get more confident — move on to the bigger things that hold us back! Great points all around!
@Evelyn — I like your point about recalling times in our life when we have feared something and then overcome it. It helps to validate that it IS possible to get over the fears we have — and then move on to the greater heights that are waiting for us!
@Bobbi — Or look at failure not as “failure” per se — but as a learning opportunity. “We have tried and learned one way that doesn’t work” — as opposed to “we have tried and failed”. Fear of failing is definitely one of those fears many have — is it because it makes us personally look like a failure — maybe so — but WE are not the failure — what failed is what we did, not us as individuals. Easy to say — much harder to act upon…
@Ari — Your welcome, you wrote a really awesome piece on fear and success — and it really fits in well with what I wrote about today! And then the idea of unlearning our fears — powerful thought Ari. If we learned it, we can unlearn it — an important point to remember. Re-writing our minds to react differently — and looking at your equation on fear — are very helpful in understanding fear — and it’s potentially painful consequences — because we are limited by it.
@Laurie — Fear of abandonment — probably related to our intrinsic desire to be loved. We all want to be loved — and when we have that, and fear it could be stripped from us — that can be a very real fear — and one that strike all too close to our heart. Maybe we all have this fear — of being abandoned. That you’re voicing it Laurie, is true strength of character. It’s much easier to talk about things like “fear of heights” or even “fear on the unknown” — but you hit on something that I do think we all, at a very deep level fear. Thank you for bringing this up — it’s a fear we sometimes hide, as we put up a shell to protect ourselves from the cruelties of the world sometimes… And Laurie…I won’t be dancing on the roof anytime soon — because then I know my in-laws WOULD outlive me!!
@Rummuser — The idea of the sensation of fear to handle the “dangers” that lurk — I like that! It reminds me of my fear of public speaking — if I don’t have some fear — then when I do this — I’m just not as focused. So, in that case, I have the fear, and I know that to overcome it — I need to be fully prepared and focused on what I’m doing — fear (and the overcoming of it) help to handle this “danger”… Great point.
@Avani — For me, the fear of heights is definitely when I’m “not strapped in”. I’m usually ok with roller coasters — and that’s fully because they’ve got me strapped and buckled. So…maybe my fear is really fear of heights combined with wide open spaces (and involving work…)! OK, maybe not quite that specific…
I am afraid I won’t have enough variety in my guitar playing to accompany my various songs. So I guess I just better practice. And Lance, you have no idea how much I needed this inspiration today. Thank you.
Jannie´s last blog post..Caught red-pawed!
Lance, fear can be healthy. It is when it is out of balance from our faith that we get in trouble. If we didn’t have fear constantly fed to us all day long, we might be able to use our fear to inform us of real danger. On the other side of it, we might even take more risks in life because we have the faith that informs us that everything is okay. We need to balance our fear with some faith (and consciousness)… at least that’s what seems to be working for me! Great Article!
CK Reyes´s last blog post..There’s Something To Be Afraid Of!
@Jennifer — I knew YOU would appreciate that quote Jennifer!! (but I’m not getting any reading done — I just stumbled upon this quote, and it fit so well — and then I thought of you…). Fear being the foundation of all failure — interesting Jennifer — and if I understand you correctly — then fear, and it holding us back (because of whatever — fear of failure, fear of success, fear of the unknown, etc) — is really where failure comes in. We fail because we let our fears get the best of us — that is really a powerful thought — when we often think the opposite — that we fear we might fail so we don’t do something — when in reality — the not doing something is the real failure… Whoa…that is quite a thought on how fear can debilitate us. Jennifer, thanks for sharing that point — it makes so much sense — and yet — that doesn’t make our fears any easier to get over. But it does give us something to think about the next time we’re trying to rationalize our fears. And, yes — check out what Ari wrote — it’s excellent stuff. About your brother…I’m just glad I’m not hearing this story about five days ago (right before I climbed up on the roof). And my kids — they love going up on the roof — me — I’d rather they stayed on the ground!
@Cath — Being not in control of the outcome — that is a legitimate fear — because when we’re in control — we feel like it’s up to us. When we’re not in control — we have to rely on others — and that can be fearful — especially if we’ve had prior bad experiences.
@Vered — Fear of heights and skiing — yes, mountains can be very high! I remember skiing in Colorado a couple of years ago — and thinking as we got off the chairlift — whoa, this seems high, where’s the bunny hill! Sometimes it’s in the doing that we get over our fears. Just like you and skiing, it can be the same for us and, say, fear of failure — if we try and fail, then get back up and do it again — and eventually succeed — then we begin to put these fears to bed…
@Sagan — Sometimes we just need to recognize fear, don’t we Sagan. Acknowledge that it’s there, so that we can deal with it. Sometimes we become blind to ourselves, and get caught up in doing the same things over and over — because, say, maybe we fear change — but we don’t recognize it as such. Great point to this whole fear discussion…
@Writer Dad — You are taking bold steps in your life Sean — and I’m sure there is some fear associated with that. And like you say — sometimes (oftentimes) running fast and being a little careless is just what is needed to get us over the pile of fear sitting right in front of us. Good luck in tackling all that life throws your way!
@FitMom — Your welcome…overcoming them — that’s the hard part. But that you’re working at it is half the battle — you’re well on your way to wherever you’re soaring to next Rachel!
@Grounded Fitness — Being vulnerable, appearing weak — excellent examples of fears many, if not most, people have. And having these exposed can be very much a fear that is worse that things like fear of heights. Because it is affecting us at a very personal level. And as I re-read what you’ve written — I wonder if these aren’t some of my own greatest fears… and ones like these can be the most difficult to overcome. You’ve left me with a lot to think about today Kelly…
@Simple Sapien — I wish I didn’t have fears also Jack. However, I also wonder if I’d be at my best if I didn’t have some of the fears I have. As I mentioned to Rummuser — if I don’t have some fear about getting up in front of people and speaking — I tend to become lackadaisical — and my effort is not at its best. On the other hand, I’m also hearing what you’re saying Jack — that many of the things you fear are things that might be holding you back — and that’s not healthy. Fearing rejection, a wasted life, a wrong career — and having these hold you back — yes, these are definitely fears that are not helping you in any way. And ones that are good to get rid of (although not easy to get rid of right?). Fears that hold us back from really soaring — of reaching the heights we are capable of — these are definitely fears we want to get beyond.
And in regards to your comment about “Do this, and you will soar!” — that had me cracking up laughing — maybe I should have said “Do this, and you will be off and running!”…
@Dave — Yeah, Jack got me there didn’t he!! See my comments to Jack above as well Dave — he makes a good point — but I really think it depends on what the fear is and if it’s worthless or not. I definitely see your point (as described in further detail above to Jack’s point)… Interesting stuff on this one all the way around…
@Jannie — Oftentimes the answers to our fears can come down to one word — “DO”. As in do something, as opposed to letting our fears paralyze us. You get that point already! And, Jannie, I’m glad you found inspiration in this today — it makes my day!
@CK Reyes — Fear being healthy — another interesting way to look at fear. And one that I do see how it can be healthy — especially bringing faith into the picture — if we have faith — then we can overcome our fears — what an excellent point CK! If I have faith in myself that I can do something, even though I fear it, I am much more able to overcome whatever is holding me back. It’s about believing in ourselves (sometimes that isn’t easy to do)… and knowing what the fears we have are — that are holding us back. Combining all of this — we have the power to get beyond those fears that limit us!
Thanks Lance, I take the point.
And Jack is spot on with what he said about jealousy and worry. Worry gets the better of me much more than I’d care to admint.
Dave Fowler´s last blog post..What I Learnt From Crashing The Car – Part 2
I think we need fear. It helps us think, it can motivate us. It’s when we allow ourselves to get stuck in it that we fail to “soar” as you say, Lance. When I first quit my job to start my own business I found myself consumed by fear. I spent 10 years behind a cube and all of a sudden I was “out there”, totally exposed. One day I looked at my husband frazzled and said “I can’t take it anymore! Where is this fear coming from?” And I embarked on a journey I will never forget. By learning where my fear came from (the past) I felt free, am free and now when that fear returns I’m able to notice it, remember where it comes from, and say “no thank you, not today”. When I think of 4 letter words not to repeat fear is up there!
Stacey Shipman´s last blog post..Part II: Are You Thinking BIG Enough?
@Dave — Just to clarify — I really see your point as being very true — fear can be a good thing. And as others have said also (CK saying it’s healthy, Stacey saying it’s needed — thanks ladies for the input!) — fear is good for us. For keeping our focus — as long as we don’t let it consume us with worry, doubt, and jealousy. Maybe that’s the key — how we handle fear — knowing that it can be good for us. So, Dave, I take your point on this one… Worry and jealousy — those are good ones to remove from our lives…
@Stacey — So, the more I read — the more I’m seeing fear is not the “bad” thing in our lives — it’s how we handle fear. Stacey, you’re are a great example of overcoming fears — you’ve done it with YOUR life. And not just in some small way — but in something that is a big part of who you are. And that’s a powerful example for all of us! I sense your journey is only just beginning, and that you’ll have much more you conquer along road your life is on… The idea of fear being rooted in our past — is one that I don’t often enough recognize. And by recognizing that — and being able to move beyond it — is empowering and liberating! And…now I know a four-letter “F” word I don’t want to repeat…
fear has held me back SO MUCH in the past! I find myself jumping in now on life with both feet. I am feeling more empowered and stronger every day.….…..I’m thinking for me it’s age
Annette´s last blog post..Weekly Updates/What a Day in my Journey Looks Like
Hehe. No need to clarify. I think I prompted you to write that because my comment appears a little off-hand. Not my intention at all, I was just trying to be concise and instead I probably came off as being rude. Drat!
Lance, you are the King of Cool. We’re on the same page, I promise.
Dave
Dave Fowler´s last blog post..What I Learnt From Crashing The Car – Part 2
Hi Lance!
As far as this topic goes, my first answer would be no. That is the fact that as I grew and expanded my view of self, others and life, my fears diminished greatly.
However, does that mean I have no fears whatsoever, perhaps no — as long as I am fully aware then no, but I still am learning to be fully conscious so there are still some small moments of unconscious thought or action.
Generally though, I just flow into doing the things that I want and I think the joy that I know those situations will bring, diminishes any fear I would have had to them in the past.
Evita´s last blog post..Heroes of Healing: Helen Schucman and William Thetford
Hi Lance: I think fear is a result of misuse of our imagination. The reason people are scared of the dark is because they turn every noise into something sinister skulking in the dark in their minds, people are scared of heights because they visualize falling, people are scared to ask for a promotion because they visualize their boss saying no, and so on. Purposefully visualizing positive outcomes has helped me tremendously in overcoming my fear. And it’s happened to me over and over again that after I successfully complete something I was afraid of I think to myself: “why on earth was I scared of doing this?”
Marelisa´s last blog post..10 Snazzy Ideas on Simplicity
For me, last weekend’s fear was all about darkness. Having to walk around (at 5pm) in the dark now creates a lot of fear inside of me. I’ve never overcome being afraid of the dark. I agree overcoming fears that hold me back from reaching my full potential is critical, but I think my fear of the dark falls into a different category.
Stacey / Create a Balance´s last blog post..Top Ten Signs I May Always Look Pregnant
I think Fear is a lot about the unknown. We let our imaginations get away from us and can only seem to think of the bad things that might happen.
@Annette — Well, you bring up another great point Annette — with age, we typically get wiser — and as we get wiser, and as we realize that time is fleeting… Not everyone acts upon this though, still letting fear rule. You’re doing it right — not letting fear rule — and that’s what makes life great (and interesting) (and fun)…
@Dave — No, not taken as rudeness at all Dave — I just felt a need to expand upon what I had said — and again to give your position on this more focus than I had earlier…no worries here! We’re cool…and you are the “King of Compliments”…
@Evita — I don’t know if fears ever fully go away (they haven’t for me) — the key is being able to consciously recognize them when they appear, and then effectively deal with them. That you are thinking about the outcome, and the joy it can bring — what a great way to look ahead and beyond any possible fears!
@Marelisa — So, I’m misusing my imagination Mare! You’re probably right — I do have that thought — visualizing falling. In fact, I recalls dreams I’ve had where I wake up as I’m falling — that was definitely visualizing it! And you make another great point about doing that which we fear — take fear of heights for me. I used to have a real fear of even lower heights, but after doing it enough, that doesn’t bother me at all anymore. I’m still having a hard time, though, visualizing me up on our upper roof, walking around like I’m on the ground…I guess I have some work to do yet!
@Stacey/Create A Balance — Fear of the dark — I see it as a fear of not knowing — not knowing because we can’t see. This is, I agree, a different type of fear than those which hold us back from reaching our full potential. This, I’d say is more like my fear of heights. Maybe it’s the psychological fear of what could physically happen to us. As Marelisa said above — maybe these fears are a result of misusing our imagination…After reading this, I’m wondering, too, if that isn’t part of what has caused my fear…
@Amanda — Yes, I agree very much that fear of the unknown is a big one, Amanda. There is something about not knowing that can make us fearful — our imaginations do take us to places we see as bad. Again, like Marelisa said above — we misuse our imagination…something to think about for sure.
Hi Lance — One thing I’ve learned to do is ask, “what’s the worse thing that can happen?” and when I realize it wouldn’t be all that bad, I confront (some of) my fears.
Barbara Swafford´s last blog post..Blogs — Information You Won’t Find In A Text Book
As an aspiring published novelist, the thing I am most scared of is, what if people hate what I write? I will be showing some of my writing to my writer’s group in a week or two, and I am quaking at the knees.
But I know I just have to take a chance.
Otherwise, I can never make my dream of being published.
Thanks for the motivational post, Lance
I read this post so many times — not that it is complicated but just that I was wondering what fears I really have. So I went through my day and realized a big one for me is the fear of not being perfect. Not being the best I can be. It really slows me down sometimes — that fear clamps me way down. And then I need to engage in endless self talk
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Hi there.. Yep, I think the times I feel like I’ve most accomplished something are those when I’ve stepped out of my comfort zone, but in particular faced fear head on. One of the greatest ways to challenge fears is by stopping that thought process of “run and hide!” and turning it into “face that fear!” Cheers
Ross´s last blog post..The fragility of life: a wake up call
Fear can either a big STOP sign or a big FLAME to get moving. I think when we challenge ourselves to step outside of our comfort zone we only expand our comfort zone…perhaps an act that was once fearful becomes normal without fear. I try to pay attention to my thoughts while in a fearful mode as it helps me work through my task at hand, such as claustrophobic moments. Very good read!
Mark´s last blog post..Finding Joy
I dont let fear rule me. Im scared of planes but I still travel. Im scarde of heights but Ive climbed a few mountains too.
Suzie´s last blog post..Now Thats Commitment
Fear holds me back from doing a lot of things, even things I have done before, which in a word, sucks! My biggest fear is failing and being rejected. I can’t explain why really but trying to do things sometimes just freezes me and it shouldn’t. If there was a pill to take to make your fears go away I’d be all for it!
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@Barbara — “What’s the worst that can happen?” — that’s a great philosophy to follow Barbara! Like you say, usually, when we really look at it — we see that the worst isn’t all that bad — it’s only so in our mind!
@Pink Ink — Hating what you write — I used to think that about what I was writing here — and then I decided that it didn’t matter if people didn’t like what I wrote — and writing became much easier after that. And the other thing is — we’ll never please everyone. So, I say, Jewel, write with your heart, let the words be “you” — and you’ll do awesome! Your dream is within reach! What exciting times for you!!
@Maya — Good for you on really spending some time to get to the core of one of your fears. By identifying it, and knowing what is holding you back (fear of not being perfect), you’ve taken the first steps in getting beyond this fear. Maya, thanks for sharing an example you have going on — this is helpful not only for me, but I’m sure for others as well.
@Ross — Yes! Face the fear, and take it on. I like that! The easy thing is to run and hide, but in the end — where is this getting us? Nowhere fast… Stepping out of our comfort zone can be difficult, because, like the name implies, they’re comfortable — but sometimes too comfortable.
@Mark — Thoughts…yes, isn’t that where a lot of our fear is generated! So, by focusing on our thoughts, we can work to change those thoughts into more positive thinking. I like how you’ve looked at this, too, as fear being either a stop sign or a big flame — some fears stop us, others get us running (although not always in the right direction)…
@Suzie — Great way to look at fear Suzie! Accept that it is there, but don’t let it rule your life.…we can all learn a lot by following that simple principle. Thank you!
@Jenny — Fear of doing things we’ve done before…ah, yes…maybe it’s a fear that the next time won’t turn out as well, or maybe it’s a fear that we’ll have another bad experience, or whatever…but that’s a great point Jenny. It’s not always just new stuff that we fear. There are lots of reasons we also fear that which we’ve done before — and it can freeze us if we let it. I don’t know what it’s like to walk in your shoes Jenny, but still, I encourage you to take a chance, to tell fear — “not today” — as Stacey Shipman suggested. If you ever find out where they have these magic pills, please share!!!!
Fear Runs My Life.
Fear of failure, Fear of letting people down, and yes I too have an unhealthy Fear Of Heights!
Fear also holds me back from trying new things. I am so uncomfortable in ‘new situations’ I give myself panic attacks.
I am terrified of flying, but I do face that fear when traveling, although I need a XANAX to get ON the plane.
I hope one day I learn how to cope better with my FEAR. I guess its a good thing I am in therapy!
meleah rebeccah´s last blog post..Another Personal Update. With Some Pictures, Charts, and Graphs.
Lance, I think everyone has fear running far too much of their life. It’s why the world’s in the mess it’s in. If people weren’t afraid of others not agreeing with them and validating their choices, for example, then we wouldn’t have any war over religion and people wouldn’t feel a need to persecute others for being gay or any other number of personal choices. Fear unfortunately drives the world.
Like you, I am scared of heights and climbing a volcano for my 31st birthday helped with that a bit. I can now go higher up solid structures, but I’m not sure ‘ll ever get over the high bridge effect where you have nothing beneath you. And the chance of being going mountain climbing with ropes (which I would like to try) seems not for this lifetime. Too chicken!
But more importantly, I try to be aware of where fear holds me back in pursuing a full and emotionally/spiritually developed life. I try very hard to release all judgment of other people’s choices now. It’s not always easy, but I tell myself that I have the right to live my way as long as I don’t hurt anyone and its the same for them. And the fear of not being “good enough” also affects my creative writing and I constantly seem to battle to win that one. The fear of not being perfect or great is way too high in me. But one step at a time.
Great post.
Kelly
Hi Lance — the first thought I had while reading this was that maybe if you feel like that about heights it would be better to pay someone else to do it? You didn’t really say how you felt afterwards — that would indicate if it is a fear worth breaking through, or something to let go. (A fear like that wouldn’t bother me — I’d just get someone else to do it — some people would be afraid of doing that!)
I think in terms of respecting our fears as we work through them. eg I believe in not having insurance, but I keep SOME insurances because I am not confident enough yet to let them all go.
And “do whatever works for you to begin to turn these fears into positives in your life.” — is great stuff Lance!
Robin´s last blog post..How To Find Happiness
Great article, Lance. I like to spend as much time on the edge of my comfort zone as possible … just always edging towards what scares me. That way, I’m always expanding my comfort zone! It’s a great way to keep exploring and growing.
Blessings,
Andrea
@Meleah — You’ll get there Meleah. It can seem difficult sometimes, especially when the fear overtakes us. You are a great person Meleah — let the real “you” — the one buried deep within your soul — shine! It’s there…
@Kelly — The first thing I thought of when reading what you wrote, Kelly, was the song “Don’t Laugh at Me” — the version sung by Christine Kane — which talks about our differences — and specifically — how we’re all “different” in one way or another. And so we don’t need to criticize, belittle, harm, etc — others because they are different from us — indeed everyone is “different”… Climbing a volcano, that sounds like so much fun Kelly — good for you for doing this!! I love your attitude about viewing other people and the difference we all have — what an awesome way to look at our differences Kelly!
@Robin — Hmmm.…pay someone to clean off my roof — I guess you can call me too cheap!! And, as scary as the roof has been for me, I still feel like me going up there is helping me to overcome this fear I have (slowly…) — and for me, that’s a good thing. Respecting our fears — that’s a great to look at this Robin! By respecting them, we can acknowledge they are there, and then decide how best to handle them…
@Andrea — Thank you Andrea! And you have really an awesome way of moving beyond your fears — by finding the edge of your comfort zone and stepping out beyond it. The more you do this, I’m sure the more comfortable it becomes to take these steps outside if that zone of comfort… And isn’t that a great way to get beyond your fears!!
One of the biggest fears I have is disappointing others. Seems silly to even write that, but it’s true. I’m sure Freud would have a perfectly good explanation for this, pointing back to something in my childhood. Either way, I guess it’s not the worst fear to have, but it does get to be a pain in the butt sometimes.
Jamie | WiredParentPad´s last blog post..Energy Drinks and Teens — What Every Parent Ought to Know
Hi Lance
I think we should tell fears which are irational from the rational ones. I mean every fear has a rational aspect. We fear height because the fall can be a wee painful. Otherwise we would just dance along cliffs.
However the trick is to tell the rational from the irational. Something that helps me is to ask myself what’s the worst that it could happen, and if I can live with that, I go ahead.
Miguel de Luis´s last blog post..Oliver Twist lives (2): Who will buy this wonderful morning?
As a nurse and a counsel-in-training, I see fear as the root of most of our problems. Even guilt and depression are often rooted in fears of failure, never being loved, insignificance.
In my own life, I try to meet it head on and jump right over it.
Romans 8:5: “For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship.Or adoption And by him we cry, “Abba,[2] Father.”
My chains are gone, are yours?
Great post Lance!
Jamie Simmerman´s last blog post..Top 10 Ways to Know You’re a Freelance Writer
Hi Lance,
Fear held me back for so long that I try to conquer my fears as I become aware of them now. When I was ill I lived in fear of what the next results would show, how sick I would feel the next day, whether or not I was well enough to drive, etc.…
I still do have the fears that have me look over my shoulder when I am in NYC and to “ensure safety” but others I try to dismiss or conquer. It is so empowering to say “I USED to be afraid of that!” In the last year I have overcome watching myself on video and making videos, going down a steeper hill cross country skiing and I am currently working on getting over my fear of sharing my poetry with my readers.
Thanks for the excellent post!
Gratefully,
Jenny
Jenny Mannion´s last blog post..The “Paging Me System” — A Method to Heal Pain Naturally
Lance, I just love getting people to think. I love it. You know at first I didn’t know if I really understood what you were saying in your response, but then I did. You made me think too. If we can break down our fears into what they really are and understand the thoughts that are behind the fears then we know where to start to change it. Understanding fear is absolutely necessary in order to over come it.
Later after writing my first comment, I remembered my biggest fear: tornadoes. It is a huge fear I have developed over the last few years. I’m not afraid of dying, but of how I might die in a tornado. We are now in the new tornado alley and I’m ready for it to move somewhere else.
Jennifer´s last blog post..Come and Share in My Misery
I just saw Jamie’s verse from Romans above. I love that verse.
Jennifer´s last blog post..Come and Share in My Misery
Jamie/WiredParentPad — No, that’s not silly Jamie — wanting to not disappoint — I don’t know many of us who want to. I try to remember — that I’m never going to please everyone, no matter what. Does this help? I don’t know, sometimes it does, other times, I’m still having this fear also.
@Miguel — Great point Miguel — rational versus irrational. Having a fear of heights, and not wanting to get too close to an edge, seems rational to me — there is potential danger involved. Irrational fears, like a fear of failing (in general) — these are the fears we really want to work on. We’ve all had them. And to think of what the worst thing that could happen — this really can help — because usually the wost thing isn’t really that bad after all.
@Jamie Simmerman — Fear of insignificance, thanks for bringing that up Jamie. It’s one we haven’t discussed here yet — and it’s really an important one to remember. Who among us want to feel insignificant? I don’t think anyone really wants to. And sometimes it’s easy to forget just how significant we really are. How much we do mean to others. Jamie, thanks also for sharing the passage from Romans — our spirits are NOT meant for fear! How powerful! Your chains are gone…are mine? Yes! (although sometimes I still do get tied up in fear) — but the chains are gone — set free by the Spirit within…
@Jenny Mannion — That’s just so awesome, Jenny — that you’ve been able to conquer the fears in your life — and go in the directions you desire! And that when they rear their ugly head, you can tell that fear you used to be afraid, but no more! Jenny, I just find this whole attitude you have very enlightening and empowering! Now, about the steeper hills when cross country skiing — I’m just not ready to tackle that fear yet…
@Jennifer — So, I’ve been back re-reading what you wrote earlier, and how I responded. So, this thinking volley goes on (and it’s in my court now!). Breaking down our fears — what is causing this particular fear in us — and understanding — yes, this is absolutely what will help us to overcome these fears we have Jennifer. You’ve hit upon something so important in our fears — and that is not only acknowledging that they are there, but also in understanding why we have these fears. In understanding, we can begin the process of overcoming. But how do we overcome, if we don’t fully understand what it is we’re trying to overcome. Thank you for stopping back Jennifer, and for again making me “dig a little deeper”.
And, yes — I too love that verse from Romans that Jamie shared — so fitting for this post…
As a people pleaser I have a fear of disappointing others. Just like you may get that sick feeling in your gut as you look down from your roof top, I can be frozen with fear in the sight of negative confrontation.
As you said, I’ve gotten better at this over the years and I’ve grown somewhat of a thicker skin. But this is still my most paralyzing personality trait.
Thanks for opening up this wonderful discussion! Eric.
This is a heart-warming topic to encourage people to overcome their own obstacles. The more people realize they imagine fear, the more people can evolve to take control and shift the focus of their energies. We can refer to minds like Napoleon Hill and others who’s words have power to bring us back on track. At the same time, these inspirations also bring us back to our true selves.
Liara Covert´s last blog post..Were you born to go a different way?
Fear is what held me back from starting a business for a long time, but I had to keep remembering that “nothing ventured, nothing gained”. I think starting a business (when you have to invest) or the fear of heights is a rational fear, but sometimes, you have to look past that in order to get to where you want to go.
Carla´s last blog post..For the Mommy to Be (small giveaway)
@Eric — Yes, this has been a wonderful discussion, and very helpful for me on my journey through the fears I have. Not wanting negative confrontation — another excellent thing that can hold us back sometimes — and one of those things that you just have to do and work through in order to get beyond it. Sounds like you are on your way Eric — and knowing that you have this fear — acknowledging it — and knowing you CAN do something to get beyond it — these are great steps to take!
@Liara — It’s encouraging for me Liara, to read all the words people have left — and know that I’m not alone in the fears I have, and to learn the many ways people overcome their fears. There is no one right way — it’s what works for us. That we imagine fears — excellent point. And when we realize this — that fear is just within our imagination — we can turn that imagination into something more positive! And that’s when these shifts take place — thank you Liara for that explanation!
@Carla — Looking past our fears — to see what is possible beyond them — excellent point Carla! Oftentimes fear blinds us from seeing what is beyond — what IS possible. Even if things don’t go as we’d hoped, we’ll never know if we don’t try. And that’s a great reason right there — to set our fears aside and look to what can be!
I love this post!!! These posts could all go together in a book! Make sure you keep them all. Excellent!
I have very few fears, and any I have I face fearlessly! LOL
But I do have fear of riding (as a passenger) in vehicle on a winding steep steep road with a drop hundreds of feet (guardrail or not) and the car going off the edge. I know where my fear comes from but it’s still there. It doesn’t stop me from going up steep mountains, but if the driver is looking all around and wanders a bit I have to tell them to either let me out so I can walk to the top or to let me drive. I’m pretty okay driving something like that but it’s being a passenger.
Now, the interesting thing is that I have no real fear of heights and will walk right to the edge or sit on the edge of the same steep drop, or climb a roof, tree, etc and be fine. BUT in a car it’s different. In fact I am thinking of sky diving with a friend. Seriously, I’d love to do that in my lifetime.
I do have one other fear that is based solely on a reoccurring dream and has no basis in my real life at all, and is so real that it feels more like a memory, but it never happened in my life, not even remotely. SO that opens up a whole other can of worms which maybe I’ll post about sometime.
But for now riding on steep drop off road is pretty much my only fear. I don’t fear snakes or spiders or water or all the more common things people fear. ALTHOUGH as a kid a I had fears, which I faced in the rainforest. I did not want to live a life defined by fear.
This is such a juicy and fascinating topic.
People fascinate me.
Hugs to you and yours,
Robin
PS You could always wear a parachute on the roof or tie your kid’s helium filled birthday balloons to your back. I can see it now: every year all the neighbors would ask, “Why does Lance always clean his roof gutters on his kid’s birthday. And why does he wear the balloons when he does it? What does he think? That he’s announcing his kid’s birthday to the whole neighborhood? Does he expect us to stop by with presents or something?”
LOLOLOLOL
Hey I think that plan works!!!
I’m a genius…and I don’t even have kids!!! LOLOLOL
Oh wait, I do.
I’m a kid!
So is my husband!
Robin Easton´s last blog post..One More
I think that it holds all of us back to some extent (heck, it holds me back sometimes. I mean, I am human after all). But what I’ve quickly discovered helps is speaking about your fears with others, particularly those close to you. I mean sure it might not be easy to talk about (fear of criticism maybe?) but once you do talk about it, you move from taking baby steps to taking larger steps.
Ricardo Bueno´s last blog post..Why We Participate In Social Networks
@Robin Easton — Thank you, Robin, so much for your kind words, they mean so much to me. So, your fear of riding with others– maybe this is a trust issue!! Skydiving — I highly recommend it — it is such a freeing experience to make that jump! This really has been an fantastic topic to explore, as we hear of others fears and of how we overcome the fears we have — it’s all been so enlightening for me. And, Robin, I love the idea of the helium balloons strapped to my back — I just wonder how many I would need! And I’m sure it would get a reaction from the neighbors — but more presents — my kids would LOVE that! You are brilliant — it’s definitely the kid in you!! Don’t ever let that go…
@Ricardo — Talking through your fears, that’s an excellent point Ricardo. Too often, I know I tend to keep them bottled up — and that only makes them fester and grow. Honest communication about what our fears are really can go a long way toward overcoming them. Thanks for sharing that here Ricardo!
Hi Lance,
You have been visiting my site regularly and commented a few times. Thanks for that. I have just added your blog to my mindful sites list.
I will not let fear hold me back and just comment a post here
Have a great start of the week.
Mimi
Mindful Mimi´s last blog post..The personal life deeply lived always expands into truths beyond itself — Anais Nin
Mindful Mimi — Thanks for posting a comment — it’s not too fearful I guess (at least not here, I don’t think!). And, thanks for the inclusion on your site — I appreciate it more than you know…
Hi Lance, thanks for stopping by, voting for Meleah, and the congrats!
Regarding the fears thing. While once in a good while, I’ll get scared? I’m not afraid of anything except extreme success. I have these great ideas rattling around my head and I’m afraid one of them will take off and I’ll lose ME.
Yeah Lance, fear of the unknown seems to be a big one that manifests in so many ways… fear of the dark, fear of what could happen if, etc. What if we were to choose to be totally okay with anything. Prefer something, but accept everything as it is. Would that then be the end of fear?
Ariel´s last blog post..How Would You Live If You Were Totally Fearless?
“@Meleah — You’ll get there Meleah. It can seem difficult sometimes, especially when the fear overtakes us. You are a great person Meleah — let the real “you” — the one buried deep within your soul — shine! It’s there…”
I am going to TRUST you…and believe you.…
meleah rebeccah´s last blog post..I Am A Sore Looser So Help Me Win?
@CourtneyRyan369 — Yes, a great point Courtney. When we grow, we change — but let’s not lose our identity. In this case, fear could be used as a positive, reminding us to stay grounded through all that life throws at us — and the easiest time to lose this focus is during times of extremes success — I agree. Reminds me of professional athletes — and how sometimes we’ll hear a story of how they’ve lost it all, or they think they are larger than life — exactly what we want to avoid when it comes to extreme success. Hang onto “YOU” Courtney…
@Ariel — You pose a very interesting questions, Ariel. I’m not sure — by accepting, does the fear go away? If we can truly accept it, then, yes, maybe it does. Being able to truly accept everything as it is — honestly — and deep within ourselves — getting to that level of acceptance sounds like an ideal. This reminds me of the Serenity Prayer: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. If we can fully get to acceptance, then maybe we can get beyond fear…maybe…
@Meleah — Thank you Meleah…and I will continue to believe in you…
Hey Lance.
I have a huge fear of heights. I love to ski and I do go. I just don’t like the narrow trails. The thought of falling off arrives in my mind each time I go. I have read books, etc. on how to get this to go away and I just can’t. I finally accepted that is just a “flaw” I have and it is not so bad.
There is a little quote that I once heard, “I can stand what I know. It’s what I don’t know that frightens me.-Frances Newton
Fear of the unknown can be referred to as free-floating anxiety which catches up to me on occasion. But it needn’t. Life does offers us strength whenever we need it, and faith diminishes all fear. It is said that fear cannot exist where there is faith. It does happen. I just try to remind myself of this.
Tammy Warren´s last blog post..The Troubles with Goals
Hi Tammy! Hey, so you can relate to me then can’t you!! It’s one of those fears I just can’t seem to shake either — although it’s much better than it has been in the past. Baby steps… We are stronger than we think we are, aren’t we Tammy. We just need to convince our minds of that thought. And a strong faith can go a long way in overcoming the fears we have. Good luck skiing this winter (if you make it out…).
Fear is the mind killer.
Allan´s last blog post..Semper Fidelis
@Allan — Yes, fear gets into our minds, and then it squashes all those thoughts we have — and our mind gives up… So, let’s push fear aside!
Wow, this is a great discussion. I had read the post, but this time I read the post and all the comments. One of my fears is looking inside. Another is fear of losing my mind. Coming from a psychotherapy background rather than a spiritual background, what I do with fears is track them back to their source (with professional help) and then work on the source issues.
For example, I’m afraid of almost everything, although I’ve created a social persona that includes only my strong side and not my fears, which is not really a good thing but it gets me by. I started being afraid of everything when I was little and my parents fought with abusive language and violence, which was sometimes extended to us kids. Life seemed unsafe from the very beginning, and getting my subconscious to change that outlook is proving pretty challenging.
Dot´s last blog post..Featured Reader
A few months ago, I got a message loud and clear from my spirit guides about my fears that were holding me back. The message that I got said, “Quit playing small and insignificant.” I was letting my fears stop me from moving forward in the next leg of my journey. Thanks for the great article.
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