Giving + Receiving

I adore giv­ing. The idea of giv­ing some­thing, ANYTHING, that will make some­one else happy makes my heart soar. That may be an acknowl­edg­ment, a ges­ture, my time, but for the sake of this piece, let’s say I adore giv­ing presents.

Con­fes­sion: I also adore receiv­ing presents.

As démodé as that may sound in this time of xmasresistance.org, the antic­i­pa­tion of an unopened present fills me with excitement.

Not because I need any­thing. (Oh, trust me…I do NOT need any­thing). And not because I’m envi­sion­ing some­thing spe­cific. But rather because I will glean some insight into how the giver sees me.

In his 1967 essay The Soci­ol­ogy of Gift Giv­ing, Barry Schwartz writes: “Gifts are one of the ways in which the pic­tures that oth­ers have of us in their minds are transmitted”.

Yes, yes, YES.

It’s the rea­son we retweet a piece of writ­ing that res­onates. In that moment, we feel like we are being seen. Like the writer stepped into our heart and shared what was there. In their words. And to be seen is a mighty pow­er­ful thing.

It’s part of what makes GIVING gifts so chal­leng­ing. We want to make sure we GET. IT. RIGHT. It’s a guilt-laden emo­tional land­mine of “good enough”? “Spent enough”?

ENOUGH!!!!

What if it wasn’t about get­ting it right (or wrong?) What if we really just sunk into the gift of giv­ing? The oppor­tu­nity to tell some­one: “I may be off on this, but I heard this CD and I loved how it made me feel. It’s how you make me feel. I hope you love it too”.

Dare to see some­one and show them what you see.

Like the engage­ment ring my hus­band picked out for me 14 years ago. It is not the one I would have cho­sen for myself back then. It was 1997 and I sus­pect I was an emerald-cut soli­taire kinda gal. (That’s what Martha Stew­art was show­ing in her wed­ding mags, after all.)

What he chose was very dif­fer­ent. It rep­re­sents how he sees me. In his words: funky + ele­gant. It’s what I think every time I look at it and it makes me beam.

I’d say that trumps all, wouldn’t you?

So when you open your presents this hol­i­day sea­son, believe that they were selected with the essence of YOU in mind.

That fruit­cake with brandy crème fraiche may mean the giver sees you as a clas­sic traditionalist.

Or those socks may speak to how they envi­sion you to value lux­ury (they ARE cash­mere, after all).

Or they may hope that the framed pic­ture cap­tures your love of adventure.

Even the gift card for the movie the­atre may mean that they believe you desire more time away from the computer.

Whether you are or aren’t a clas­sic tra­di­tion­al­ist, a luxury-lover, adven­turer, or a movie-goer, know that this is the story the giver has of you. Get curi­ous about know­ing more of that story. Hear what they see in you. Find the grat­i­tude there and share the impact of that. It may be an amaz­ing oppor­tu­nity to share more of YOURSELF with the giver. And isn’t that what this is all about?

Being a gra­cious receiver is the gift that keeps on giving.

by Tanya Geisler

Clar­ity. Action. Achieve­ment. Joy. Tanya Geisler is a CTI-certified coach (a.k.a. “cat­a­lyst, not ther­a­pist”) and speaker who believes that life is a grand production…and it’s time for you to step into your star­ring role. And radi­ate. Right now.

Tanya Geisler

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