Know His Heart Before You Give Your Own

by Kelly Sajonia on · 14 comments

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“As a man thin­keth in his heart, so is he.”

~Proverbs 23:7

Giv­ing your heart to another is one of the great­est gifts you can give. If given with­out much thought, it can also be a painful expe­ri­ence. Know­ing with whom to share is an essen­tial les­son of love to learn.

Take time in the begin­ning to dis­cover more about him. Doing so can mean the dif­fer­ence between falling in love with a man who will care­fully and respon­si­bly tend to that love and one who will take it for granted, or exploit what you have given him. While you can’t deter­mine with com­plete cer­tainty whether some­one will ulti­mately hurt you or not, you can move slowly, learn­ing more about the per­son before becom­ing deeply involved.

The early stage of a rela­tion­ship is a time to begin shar­ing your his­tory and cur­rent life expe­ri­ences with one another. You will each say a lot, but eval­u­ate beyond the words. Wit­ness the other person’s actions in var­i­ous set­tings, body lan­guage in con­ver­sa­tions, and con­tem­plate deeper what is being shared. By focus­ing on these things, you can learn whether a person’s nature includes being hon­est, car­ing, faith­ful, lov­ing, sup­port­ive, respon­si­ble, and more.

If you are able to see what is in his heart, you will dis­cover his essence.

Only then should you give your own.


by Kelly Sajo­nia

Kelly Sajo­nia is a writer for many sites, but spends most of her time writ­ing for her award-winning blog Naked Girl in a Dress. Her inspi­ra­tional blog cel­e­brates redis­cov­er­ing life and love at any age. Kelly also has a full ser­vice social media mar­ket­ing busi­ness, runs a social media site for writ­ers, teaches blog­ging, and occa­sion­ally takes a pro­fes­sional pho­tog­ra­phy gig.
Kelly Sajonia
View all posts by Kelly Sajo­nia

{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }

@bluenoetbacker September 25, 2012 at 10:26 am

I’ve had the opportunity to do this, to discover a woman’s heart, but we’ve not spent a single moment together in the same room in about 20 years. It was unexpected but I believe a blessing in disguise. I wont say more because it may just be written about on your site in a week or so ;)
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Kelly Sajonia September 25, 2012 at 10:30 am

You have the opportunity to do this without being in the same room. My guess is that you know more about your heart than you are letting on or you wouldn’t be this excited in such an unusual circumstance as you find yourself.

I am looking forward to you writing on my site next month.
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dlysen September 25, 2012 at 10:59 am

I just don’t give my heart because I don’t want to waste my time… But it seems already wasted waiting for someone who will never come.
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Kelly Sajonia September 26, 2012 at 10:34 am

You will know when you are ready to open yourself up to the possibility of a relationship again. In the meantime, enjoy the beauty that comes to you with each new day. There’s so much to be grateful for in life.

Take care of yourself, Dlysen.
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dlysen September 27, 2012 at 12:00 pm

I agree with your advice Ms. Kelly, I have to enjoy what ever I have. Yes, I will take care of myself and thank you for the concern.
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SeanD September 25, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Great post, Kelly! I loved the quote and how your words interleaved the spirit of the quote with your perspective.

Dlysen, I feel ya brother. Oddly, once I gave up the hunt and stopped looking for that special person who would appreciate and take care of my heart.. she showed up. I think sometimes we try to fill a gap in our lives so hard that we don’t leave enough space for that special person to find us. Don’t give up, I wish you the best of luck!

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Kelly Sajonia September 26, 2012 at 10:36 am

I am so happy you found someone to appreciate and take care of your heart, Sean. You give great advice to Dlysen, too. Thanks for commenting.
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Charlotte September 25, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Such great advice. I feel as though it takes me a while to let my guard down while dating. I can’t freely give my heart unless I can feel with absolute certainty the other person is on the same page. But that’s a game, isn’t it? “I won’t say I love you until you say it first.” Have you ever felt that way, too?
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Kelly Sajonia September 26, 2012 at 10:38 am

Taking the time in the beginning before giving your heart is a good thing in my opinion. And yes, I have felt that way about saying “I love you.” I don’t see it as a game, but rather not wanting to be that vulnerable in a relationship. I can’t see you as one to play games with a man’s heart, Charlotte. It never hurts to move slowly.
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Megan Bord September 26, 2012 at 7:29 am

An exceptionally wise post. Thank you. It caught my attention in email enough that I had to read and then comment.
Lots of love to you (and all of us!)!

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Kelly Sajonia September 26, 2012 at 10:46 am

Thank you, Megan. I didn’t know where I was going to go with the prompt this month: as a man thinketh. I appreciate you visiting to read and comment.
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Audra Krell September 26, 2012 at 6:06 pm

I would add that it’s never too early to “call out” the good qualities we find in men. When they act in nurturing, thoughtful, kind ways, it’s always good to build that up in any stage of a relationship. It says a lot about who we are, women who know how to respect others.
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Kelly Sajonia September 27, 2012 at 12:22 pm

You have an excellent point, Audra. The only way to continue to be respected and loved the way we want is to “call out” these good qualities you mention. It’s all about positive reinforcement of what we like, want, and need.

That said, it’s our responsibility to give to our partner as well.
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