Taking Small, Courageous Steps

by Kelly Sajonia on · 12 comments

Recently I wit­nessed a friend become open again to the pos­si­bil­ity of dat­ing. She had an unusu­ally dif­fi­cult past rela­tion­ship where deceit played a major role. The friend chose to give up entirely on the pos­si­bil­ity of a healthy, hon­est, lov­ing rela­tion­ship as a result.

Slowly, over the past few months, there were men­tions of pos­si­bly con­sid­er­ing dat­ing again. Not actu­ally doing it; just think­ing about the pos­si­bil­ity. There was one obsta­cle stand­ing in the way of progress: it seemed over­whelm­ing to make this change in her life.

What hap­pened next was a con­tin­u­a­tion of casu­ally men­tion­ing the idea, but also work­ing through the obsta­cles she iden­ti­fied. Her chil­dren needed her, she was busy, she had a great life just as it was, and it wasn’t worth all the work involved are just a few of the rea­sons she felt it was a bad idea to try dat­ing again.

I lis­tened and gave a con­sis­tent mes­sage of encour­age­ment as she men­tally processed all that was caus­ing her angst over dat­ing. I never pushed too hard, but rather con­tin­ued with a pos­i­tive, pro-dating mes­sage to coun­ter­act the neg­a­tive voice she was debat­ing in her head.

What I real­ized after a few months of our back-and-forth dis­cus­sions was that she didn’t know how to pro­ceed. Yes, she was fear­ful of being lied to and hurt again, but it also seemed insur­mount­able to make this life change after tak­ing such a long break from dating.

So, how does one move for­ward, begin­ning a new search for a poten­tial mate?

It’s sim­ple: by tak­ing small steps.

My friend’s great­est strug­gle with dat­ing again had noth­ing to do with going out on a date with a new man. Her hes­i­ta­tion was wrapped up in the fear of being hurt by a deceit­ful, unfaith­ful man again. While this is a very real fear for her, it is not going to hap­pen to her on the first step to dat­ing again. It’s impos­si­ble, actually.

By break­ing it down into small, man­age­able steps, it becomes less scary. Here are a few ideas for the first step:

  1. Let friends know you are inter­ested in the pos­si­bil­ity of dat­ing again. This might lead to a blind date or two.
  2. Cre­ate an online pro­file on a dat­ing site. Keep it hid­den if you are not ready for con­tact yet; just cre­at­ing it is a great first step.
  3. Join a club or orga­ni­za­tion align­ing with your inter­ests. Like-minded peo­ple will also be in atten­dance, which of course means you will share com­mon interests.
  4. Seek out sin­gles’ activ­ity groups in your area. Meetup offers groups for sin­gle, sep­a­rated, and divorced individuals.

These four ideas will sim­ply lead to greater expo­sure and oppor­tu­nity to meet some­one. It doesn’t mean any­one is on the verge of a long-term com­mit­ted rela­tion­ship with the poten­tial for heart­break. It is only a first step, hope­fully lead­ing to step two: meet­ing some­one. The third step would be to accept a date. And the baby steps con­tinue from there.

What is most impor­tant is tak­ing the first, small step towards the goal.

Every­thing else will fall into place with time and a bit of courage.


by Kelly Sajo­nia

Kelly Sajo­nia is a writer for many sites, but spends most of her time writ­ing for her award-winning blog Naked Girl in a Dress. Her inspi­ra­tional blog cel­e­brates redis­cov­er­ing life and love at any age. Kelly also has a full ser­vice social media mar­ket­ing busi­ness, runs a social media site for writ­ers, teaches blog­ging, and occa­sion­ally takes a pro­fes­sional pho­tog­ra­phy gig.
Kelly Sajonia
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