The Best Path to Follow for a Successful Relationship

by Kelly Sajonia on · 19 comments

There is a well-worn path for peo­ple in their 20’s and 30’s. After an edu­ca­tion has been com­pleted it is time to build a career, find some­one to marry, and start a fam­ily. This often involves dat­ing sites, speed dat­ing events, meet-ups for sin­gles, and blind dates from well-meaning friends.

For those whose mar­riage ends in divorce, there is another well-traveled path often fol­lowed: a rush to the altar a sec­ond time. Too many times this hap­pens quickly after a divorce is final­ized with lit­tle time spent con­tem­plat­ing what went wrong the first time and what a good part­ner should pos­sess for a suc­cess­ful rela­tion­ship to be pos­si­ble in the future.

The expec­ta­tion that life is not com­plete until there is a spouse and chil­dren often leads to mak­ing bad deci­sions in choos­ing a life part­ner. Sim­i­larly, the pres­sure post-divorce to do it again is often not a wise path to fol­low down a sec­ond time.

So how is it pos­si­ble to make bet­ter choices, lead­ing to more reward­ing, longer-lasting relationships?

It’s sim­ple:

Step off the beaten path and date your­self first.

In a rush to fol­low where oth­ers have tread before, there is not often a well thought-out plan or cri­te­ria for the ideal part­ner. This is impos­si­ble to accom­plish with­out first know­ing your­self well.

  • Get com­fort­able being alone.
  • Take your­self out to din­ner and a movie.
  • Enjoy your own company.
  • Spend time think­ing about who and what makes you happy.

Once you are happy and com­fort­able dat­ing your­self, you are ready to date oth­ers. When you begin to date again, be mind­ful of what you like and dis­like in each dat­ing and rela­tion­ship expe­ri­ence. This will help in choos­ing the right part­ner. Also, the time you spent dat­ing your­self will ensure the fear of being alone will not be the deter­min­ing fac­tor in find­ing a partner.

Step off the path and seek hap­pi­ness first with your­self and then with a partner.

It’s the best path to choose for a ful­fill­ing rela­tion­ship and happy life.

by Kelly Sajo­nia

Kelly Sajo­nia is a writer for many sites, but spends most of her time writ­ing for her award-winning blog Naked Girl in a Dress. Her inspi­ra­tional blog cel­e­brates redis­cov­er­ing life and love at any age. Kelly also has a full ser­vice social media mar­ket­ing busi­ness, runs a social media site for writ­ers, teaches blog­ging, and occa­sion­ally takes a pro­fes­sional pho­tog­ra­phy gig.
Kelly Sajonia
View all posts by Kelly Sajo­nia

{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }

Jennifer Richardson April 25, 2012 at 8:20 am

absolutely beautiful wisdom:)
thanks for this powerful ponder,


Kelly Sajonia April 25, 2012 at 10:29 am

Thank you for visiting and leaving a comment. I am glad you enjoyed my piece this month.
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Jon Mertz April 25, 2012 at 10:15 am

Insights to the extreme! Really solid post. It is so essential to be comfortable being by yourself. When you can do that, beautiful relationships can happen. Grateful! Jon
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Kelly Sajonia April 25, 2012 at 10:31 am

Thank you Jon! It does take comfort in being alone and really loving who you are to open up the possibility of a successful relationship (emphasis on successful).
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Jennifer Olney April 25, 2012 at 11:21 am

I’ve seen this happen to friends, it’s tragic. They cannot like themselves for who they are and rush into a second marriage out of fear of being alone. What is really tragic is the affect it has on their kids. They do not think of the choices they make and how others are affected by their poor decisions. After a divorce, you have to give yourself a break and be one with yourself, it’s not fair to anyone else that you just jump into another relationship without taking the time to appreciate yourself and know how you can move forward on your own. Thanks for this post.


Kelly Sajonia April 28, 2012 at 8:10 am

Taking a break to breath, connect with yourself, and set some new priorities in life is essential. I agree that rushing into anything can result in a disaster.
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Tim April 25, 2012 at 10:04 pm

Hi Kelly:

I enjoyed your post – very insightful. I’m a 40 something guy and not married. I feel like a bit of an odd bird in a world where we are “supposed” to be married and have our 1.5 kids. Life and circumstances just have not worked that way for me. If I lived a life in comparison of others, I would be miserable. But I’ve been in relationships and have been unhappy…and all things considered, I’m content. Your suggestion to be comfortable being alone is a big one….and if I could suggest one that’s related to this: love yourself. I’m a firm believer that if you cannot love yourself and cut yourself some slack, you won’t be able to do that in a relationship with someone else. Again, great job and I look forward to reading more here and at your blog. Good stuff.
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Kelly Sajonia April 28, 2012 at 8:13 am

Thanks for taking the time to leave an insightful comment. I agree with loving and being kind to yourself. It’s great to meet another happy person who also happens to be single.
Kelly Sajonia´s Last Fabulous Post ..6 Things to Inspire Being HappyMy Profile


Cathy | Treatment Talk April 25, 2012 at 11:31 pm

Hi Debbie,

Great topic and so timely. I love the trend that the young people are marrying later and many are waiting until their 30′s to tie the knot. It gives a person a chance to understand who they are and hopefully realize that they can make it on their own and be happy. A partner is an added bonus. I married young and did end up getting a divorce. It changes your life forever and although I am now happily married, it did cause stress and hardship at the time. Thanks for a great post.
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Kelly Sajonia April 28, 2012 at 8:15 am

I read the statistics on chance of divorce based upon the age you were when you married. Early 20′s was an incredibly hight percentage–it was actually the greatest chance of leading to divorce. I believe it is simple really: you are too young to know yourself so how can you really know what you want in your life, including a partner?
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Dan Black April 26, 2012 at 12:17 am

It’s when I stopped looking and started to enjoy being single that my wife entered my life. When I finally stopped looking she came along. I think it’s important to be friends first then start a dating relationship.

Great post.
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Kelly Sajonia April 28, 2012 at 8:16 am

Thank you Dan. It sounds like you were in a place in your life where you were at peace and that is when the right woman for you entered. Probably not a coincidence.
Kelly Sajonia´s Last Fabulous Post ..6 Things to Inspire Being HappyMy Profile


Martin Cooney @GeekandJock April 26, 2012 at 12:35 am

Amazing how many friends I’ve seen fall into the ‘marrying the same type of person’ they just divorced.
And it’s exactly what you say in this article – they don’t know themselves so how can they hope to get an idea of who they’re looking for, in a date or relationship.
As previous commenters have said, I agree … to have a successful relationship, you need to be successful within yourself.
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Kelly Sajonia April 28, 2012 at 8:18 am

Thanks Martin! You just have more to offer and have a greater understanding of what you want when you take that time for yourself. Being at peace with being alone removes the desperation to rush into something again without thinking it through properly.
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Jody - Fit at 54 April 26, 2012 at 3:56 pm

So important – love yourself first!!!
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Kelly Sajonia April 28, 2012 at 8:08 am

We have so much more to offer and know a lot better what we want when we are in touch with ourselves first.
Kelly Sajonia´s Last Fabulous Post ..6 Things to Inspire Being HappyMy Profile


Lucy April 30, 2012 at 7:33 am

This is a very good post, making strong and valid points!
Getting to know yourself and being comfortable with who you are is one of the most important lessons you can learn, how can you expect others to know you if you don’t truly know yourself.


Kelly Sajonia May 24, 2012 at 11:06 am

I completely agree Lucy. Thank you for stopping by to read.
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