The Courage To Love

by Kelly Sajonia on · 20 comments

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Photo cour­tesy of Matavu­vale

There are a lot of traits required to be suc­cess­ful at dat­ing and being in a lov­ing rela­tion­ship, but one res­onates the most:

Courage

It is needed in all stages of love relationships.

With­out courage one can­not be suc­cess­ful in find­ing a part­ner and being a part of a lov­ing, healthy rela­tion­ship. So many express pos­sess­ing a lack of courage to date again after a painful breakup, but at each stage in a rela­tion­ship it is essen­tial to have courage if being happy with the right per­son is the goal.

It takes courage to become vul­ner­a­ble, to open one­self to the prospect of dat­ing. Some refuse to date because of the rejec­tion that comes from the process of find­ing a part­ner. This will be an imped­i­ment for many in meet­ing prospects and dating.

Oth­ers are able to take those ini­tial steps to find a part­ner. The trial-and-error expe­ri­ence of meet­ing new peo­ple and first dates is not daunt­ing. But once in a rela­tion­ship that is com­fort­able, when both part­ners have set­tled in, there can be dis­com­fort in express­ing needs and desires to feel ful­filled. Main­tain­ing har­mony becomes para­mount while ris­ing dis­con­tent from not hav­ing needs met begins to set­tle in.

On another level, there are those who have lit­tle fear of the dat­ing process and pos­sess solid com­mu­ni­ca­tion skills, but fall short in another area. Once com­fort­able in a rela­tion­ship, it is hard to move for­ward if the rela­tion­ship should end. There could have been a dis­cov­ery of a non-negotiable trait the part­ner pos­sesses or hurt­ful behav­ior that should not be tol­er­ated, but the rela­tion­ship is com­fort­able. It has become like a habit; not nec­es­sar­ily happy with it, but unable to break away.

There are times in a lov­ing, suc­cess­ful rela­tion­ship when one can become deeply hurt by the other. A part­ner could have been unfaith­ful, dis­con­nected emo­tion­ally, chose not to be phys­i­cally present, or with­held affec­tion. Anger and resent­ment can set in. By shut­ting down and not being emo­tion­ally acces­si­ble, there is def­i­nitely a way to min­i­mize the pain felt, but no way to be open to reconciliation.

With­out courage one is robbed of great joy.

Be coura­geous in love.

It’s worth the risk.


by Kelly Sajo­nia

Kelly Sajo­nia is a writer for many sites, but spends most of her time writ­ing for her award-winning blog Naked Girl in a Dress. Her inspi­ra­tional blog cel­e­brates redis­cov­er­ing life and love at any age. Kelly also has a full ser­vice social media mar­ket­ing busi­ness, runs a social media site for writ­ers, teaches blog­ging, and occa­sion­ally takes a pro­fes­sional pho­tog­ra­phy gig.
Kelly Sajonia
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{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }

Bruce Sallan (@BruceSallan) March 25, 2012 at 8:26 am

Yes, it takes courage to date and IT IS GOOD for you and your kids if you’re single parent. I found so many single moms that were being the martyr for a long time upon divorce and denying their life and denying fun for themselves. That is foolish. Balance is key to all things, period!
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Kelly Sajonia March 28, 2012 at 8:25 am

Thank you Bruce. It is essential to maintain that balance. You are better in each role in your life if you take care of yourself. I find I am better in my life overall as a result.
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Terie March 25, 2012 at 8:40 am

I love this. So much truth here and so important in Love and all aspects of our lives. Thank you Lance for once again, reminding us to be courageous!

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Kelly Sajonia March 28, 2012 at 8:25 am

I am so glad this resonated for you!
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Danijela March 25, 2012 at 5:57 pm

Beautiful post…
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Kelly Sajonia March 28, 2012 at 8:26 am

Thank you!
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Martin Cooney @GeekandJock March 25, 2012 at 6:59 pm

In all the relationship advice I’ve given(thus far), I’ve actually omitted courage as a prerequisite so that’s a very cool reminder, Kelly.
I’m guessing I’ve replaced that with ‘committment’ as well as self-confidence, honesty and transparency which are powerful traits that need to be maintained both in dating and more so when you eventually get into a healthy relationship to maintain that success.
Finally, it should always be the ultimate goal to find your soulmate. We’re simply not made to be alone – it IS worth all the risks!
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Kelly Sajonia March 28, 2012 at 8:28 am

Martin~
I agree with the traits you listed as being required to maintain a healthy relationship. Thanks for sharing these.
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Megan Bord March 26, 2012 at 7:40 am

This was beautifully written, and caught my attention; thank you. I’m between the stages of wondering where, exactly, I’m hung up when it comes to dating. Is it the hassle of meeting new people (aka, fear of initial rejection)? Is it the fear of not knowing whether or not they’ll stick around once we do establish a connection? Is it the fear of monotony and limited choices, and not knowing if I’ll want to stick around once the relationship grows roots? My gut says I’m stuck between the first and second things I typed…

Courage – I’ll have to embrace that as a mantra and see how it feels. Thanks for writing something so simple and poignant.

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Kelly Sajonia March 28, 2012 at 8:42 am

It is difficult to start the dating process again, especially if you have taken a long break. If you do begin again, start with low expectations and just dip your toe in before really committing to the process. I hope this helps.
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Patricia - Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworker March 26, 2012 at 1:19 pm

I haven’t dated for a very long time since I have been married for the last 39 years. I often wonder if I would have the courage to date again if something happened to my husband. As an incest survivor, there are added problems that I would be faced with. I never learned the normal things having to do with dating and sex that most teenagers learn. My latest blog post deals with what it was like to be 19 and dating and not knowing what normal was and what was expected of me. I didn’t know, at the time, that love and sex weren’t the same thing. I had been a sexual object to my dad, at least since I was 11 years old. The abuse may have been as early as 3 but I don’t have the memories to say so for sure, just clues. Thank you for reminding me that I do have courage at my disposable if I ever find myself in the dating game again.
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Kelly Sajonia March 28, 2012 at 8:43 am

It sounds like you have a great deal of courage Patricia. You did find a life partner after a difficult childhood and you have the courage to share your story now.

Thank you for visiting.
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David Stevens March 26, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Hi Kelly,
I haven’t heard “love” couched in those terms before. My 31st wedding anniversary is next week…there’s a lot of courage tied up in those 31 years. Thankyou
be good to yourself
David
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Kelly Sajonia March 28, 2012 at 8:44 am

You are welcome and congratulations on your wedding anniversary.
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Anna March 27, 2012 at 5:50 am

I have always been thinking of this: how brave would I be, if I once was left alone with my children. Would I dare to (and have time left) start dating? I have always beeen a person who was not taking actively part in dating, love have always found it’s way to me… now you got me thinking with your post… :)

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Kelly Sajonia March 28, 2012 at 8:46 am

I am glad my post made you think about love and dating. It is a different experience dating as a single mom (or dad), but rewarding.
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Noel March 29, 2012 at 9:25 pm

We need courage to love, but also courage to end a relationship. We tend to cling tightly to a relationship even it’s not working for us because of fear – fear to be alone, fear to love again… but with the courage to end it, it may open up more wonderful possibilities you may never thought of. And you sum it up beautifully: “Be coura­geous in love. It’s worth the risk.” Love it! Thanks Kelly~
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Kelly Sajonia March 29, 2012 at 9:44 pm

Thank you Noel. I am happy to hear you enjoyed the post. I am so happy to be part of the Jungle of Life writers.
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