Through The Eyes of Truth

by Lance Ekum on · 70 comments

“The only work that will ultimately bring any good to any of us is the work of contributing to the healing of the world.” ~ Marianne Williamson

One of those subjects that’s easy to push under the rug.  Pretend it doesn’t really happen.  Pretend it doesn’t really hurt anyone.  Ignore.  Look the other way.

Not today.

As told by Jen, from are you there God? it’s me, generation X

If you do nothing else today, view this short slideshow below. 

To view full screen click the "Fullscreen" icon in the lower corner of the slideshow.

Note:  If you’re having trouble viewing this, please click here.

This originally appeared on Jen’s blog. I was deeply moved by her courage, and sharing of this story. In the short time I’ve known her, I’ve come to see that she speaks very much from her heart.  The words in this you’re seeing today speak to something that’s all too easy to ignore.

Will you run away?

For more information on Jen, visit her blog and follow her on Twitter.

Lance writes stories from his heart, aiming to inspire and motivate, as you align more fully with YOUR true peak. When he's not here, you can find him hanging out with his family, riding a bike, or just generally acting goofy.   Sign up for the Thoughts from the Treehouse newsletter and get additional inspiration in your email inbox!
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{ 70 comments… read them below or add one }

JenX June 29, 2009 at 8:46 am

Thank you, again, for sharing my story. You are so generous. -jen
.-= JenX´s Last Fabulous Post ..missing michael jackson more than i missed him before =-.


Laurie June 29, 2009 at 8:54 am

The most scary case of sexual harassment I experienced was from a pastor at the church I attended in college. He was married with one child and one on the way. He told me exactly what he wanted, grabbed my hands and forced them places I don’t want to say, and threatened me if I told. I didn’t tell. I knew no one would believe me over a pastor. I was also terrified at what my dad might do to him. While I was terrified, I became a sponsor in the youth group so I could watch him with those girls. I felt the need to try and protect them. It was not a good time in my life.


JenX June 29, 2009 at 9:42 am

@LAURIE – Thank you for sharing this. I met girls in college who had similar experiences. It’s even more reprehensible when the harasser is someone we look to for spiritual or moral guidance. I sank when I read the words, “I knew no one would believe me…”
.-= JenX´s Last Fabulous Post ..missing michael jackson more than i missed him before =-.


Positively Present June 29, 2009 at 9:50 am

This is great. I love the way this was laid out and the important messages and themes it brought to light. Thank you for sharing this.


Karl Staib - Work Happy Now June 29, 2009 at 10:02 am

Every life has pain, difficulty, and anger. It’s what we do with these emotions to help others that separates us from the pain.

Sexual harassment should never be taken lightly. It demeans our culture. I’m glad Jen posted the slide show because we have to keep this at the forefront of our thoughts.


Jodi at Joy Discovered June 29, 2009 at 10:03 am

Thank you Lance for posting this, thank you Jen for your courage. Thank you for the reminder that what is important is to speak up and stand up for others. Thank you highlighting that there really is no difference between sexual harrassment and sexual assault. I will carry this message with me as I march through life and pass it along to my sons when the time is right!


JenX June 29, 2009 at 10:06 am

@Positively Present – Thank you. I just visited your latest post. I love those lyrics and I love your five ways. I’m so glad to get tot meet some new bloggers through this opportunity.


JenX June 29, 2009 at 10:10 am

@KARL STAIB – That is a profound statement – that helping others separates us from the pain. That is so true.

@JODI at JOY DISCOVERED – Thank you. In the original draft I had included a note to my son, “To My Son, Try Not To Runaway,” but, then I thought better of it. But, seeing your comment here, I wonder if I should have included, because maybe even more than my girls, this story is one I need to share with my little boy – someday.


Lynn June 29, 2009 at 11:01 am

Lance – thank you for posting this. Jen – I hope this message enables others to speak up. It takes so much courage to not run away.
.-= Lynn´s Last Fabulous Post ..Old Capitol Building, Transylvania and Philadelphia =-.


Tammy-Cricket June 29, 2009 at 11:26 am

Beautiful post. So many women/men are afraid to stand up for themselves when it comes to this issue. What a wonderful presentation to make us think.

Thank you for sharing Lance and nice to mee you Jen.
.-= Tammy-Cricket´s Last Fabulous Post ..In Hiding…that’s all =-.


Betsy Wuebker June 29, 2009 at 11:56 am

Courage! The harasser/perpetrator commits these acts to elevate himself by comparison. Knowing this simple fact won’t eliminate the propensity, but shifts the balance of perceived power.

Jen, prepare to go viral with this. Awesome!!


Matthew | Polaris Rising June 29, 2009 at 11:58 am

I have mixed reactions to this, to be honest. Sexual Harassment issues have come a long way in the last 40 years – watching Mad Men is a good reminder of just how far we’ve come. New laws have arisen, awareness has vastly increased. But yes, it still goes on and in some places has even risen.

I’ve had the blessing of knowing people deeply on both sides of harassment. And I can tell you they are more alike than they know. Both sides, where I’ve seen deeply, have incredible amount of pain, cannot see beyond this (or often don’t even acknowledge there is pain) and because of this pain, end up dehumanizing another. Yes, the victim of sexual assault dehumanizes the assaulter just as well.

There’s a lot of all-or-nothing thinking in this area. Either the perpetrator of assault is evil and needs to be put in prison and effectively tortured, or the victim is “making it up”. Court cases are like this, and they can be traumatic in itself.

I tend to be practical in terms of what will bring healing. To me, the main underlying issue here is the dehumanization. When we don’t see others as human beings, with vulnerabilities, pain, and issues of their own, we lock ourselves into destructive conflicts. We make others wrong and abuse them. We can put predators in prison – and for some this may be the right thing to do when they have little chance of change – but that still doesn’t really change the underlying psyche that created the issue in the first place. The whole topic of “forgiveness” after being assaulted is not about making the action ok – which it will never be – but seeing the other person as human too.

Dehumanization is something that affects so many levels of our society – from the military, to workplace, to conflicts, to politics, to relationships, to just about everything. We’re one of the most isolated societies in human history from an emotional standpoint. Because of this, men especially are so reluctant to even acknowledge the pain inside that can create assaults like that. And when it’s not acknowledged and there’s nowhere to talk about it (and I don’t think psychotherapists are that great a place to talk about it), it will act out. So I like the “this is not right!” feeling, because it absolutely isn’t. At the same time, from looking deeply into others, I feel compassion for the pain that creates the acting out. And I think it’s that compassion that is a source of healing for the world.
.-= Matthew | Polaris Rising´s Last Fabulous Post ..Energy Healing, a Personal Story =-.


Srinivas Rao June 29, 2009 at 12:04 pm

It takes alot of courage to share parts of our lives like this.
.-= Srinivas Rao´s Last Fabulous Post ..The Wright Way to Succeed =-.


Tabitha@ichoosebliss June 29, 2009 at 12:04 pm

Jen, I applaud your bravery and strength. I would pray that I would never turn my head in a situation like this.

Thank you Lance for posting this!
.-= Tabitha@ichoosebliss´s Last Fabulous Post ..21 Days of Simplicity – Day 8 =-.


Vered - MomGrind June 29, 2009 at 12:18 pm

Wow. Extremely powerful. Thank you.
.-= Vered – MomGrind´s Last Fabulous Post ..Truth In Advertising =-.


Jennifer June 29, 2009 at 12:24 pm

Thank you Lance and Jen for sharing this. Jen, sadly, I know this touched more lives personally than we could imagine. Thank you for doing whatever you can to do something about this now. Thank you for your courage in sharing this and your faith.
.-= Jennifer´s Last Fabulous Post ..An Extraordinary Life =-.


JenX June 29, 2009 at 12:26 pm

@LYNN – Thank you. I think I’m still running from some stories, things. Pride is not necessarily bad, but, of course, not always a friend either. Thank you for your comment and taking the time to read 34 slides. Ha!

@TAMMY CRICKET – Cute name, cute cricket. =) Thank you for your comment and time.

@BETSY – I love this observation – the part about “elevate by comparison” and shifting the balance of power. Looking back, I wish I’d had the courage to say to more than one man in the workplace, “It makes me uncomfortable when you talk about porn…” Taking small steps with the small stuff seems like a solution to avoiding ever having to make the big leaps. ????


JenX June 29, 2009 at 12:32 pm

@MATTHEW – I think what is needed is corporate policies that go beyond laws and the legal definition of sexual harassment. Under current law, men and women can engage in all kinds of inappropriate sexual behavior without violating federal laws. This language and dialogue in the workplace, at a minimum, impedes progress. This says nothing of the other tolls they take.

I appreciate the courage of your mixed reaction, and I think there is a lot of compassion in what you say, but you don’t really think victims of sexual assault dehumanize assaulters? How is that possible? Mary did not dehumanize anyone. Neither did Jamie.

Maybe you could share an anecdote to help us understand your position????


Paige June 29, 2009 at 12:35 pm

Happened over by way of a link provided by the Funster.
Wow what a story.
Ladies next time you are in a group of 4 other women, rember that odds are at least 2 of you were sexually abused as a child, some of us more than once. It just takes a while for us to tell sometimes.
.-= Paige´s Last Fabulous Post ..Blame the Funster! =-.


JenX June 29, 2009 at 12:41 pm

@SRINIVAS RAO – Thank you! Of course, I had so much more to say that I did not have courage to share, but this is a start.

@TABITHA@ichoosebliss – Thank you. It takes a lot of energy to self-examine – to ask on a regular basis, “Have I turned my head from something today?”

@VERED -MOM GRIND – Thank you for reading and responding.

@JENNIFER – Thank you for you kind comment. It feels like such an insurmountable problem and these 34 slides – like a shot in the dark with the weight of a feather. But, here I am, typing on Lance’s blog. He picked this up and I’m grateful to him that he did. I hope it will help somebody – and maybe only those of us with daughters. I don’t know. Like you said, we probably won’t know. Thank you…


JenX June 29, 2009 at 12:48 pm

@PAIGE – Thank you. It does take a long time to tell these stories sometimes. What is so surprising is how long it takes to realize we actutally have a story to tell. We bury them deep. There is a part of the story about Mary I declined to tell. It was what happened the next day at school. I don’t know why I couldn’t share it. It just felt like another story altogether. Thank you for your time.
.-= JenX´s Last Fabulous Post ..the jungle of life =-.


Tom Volkar / Delightful Work June 29, 2009 at 2:00 pm

Wow Jen very powerful and eye-opening. Thanks for spreading this word Lance. I’ve two daughters and I’ve always taught them to be strong and to stand tall for themselves. I really had no idea that this sick behvaior is on the rise. Indeed yours is a story that needs retelling often.


Matthew | Polaris Rising June 29, 2009 at 2:10 pm

@JEN: Yes, I would say that victims dehumanize assaulters. I don’t want to say that they’re bad people or doing anything “wrong”, just that it’s pretty natural after such a violation. By dehumanizing, I also mean things like labeling: “he’s an abuser.” In other words, seeing nothing but someone who causes pain. This can be internal, not vocalized that much, but it’s still present.

One minor case I personally witnessed firsthand was in university. The guy had a fight with his girlfriend on a phone which was witnessed by the girl. She made a very snide remark, and then he sort of blew it, not assaulting her but being nasty verbally and really rubbing stuff in for about 5 minutes. She complained about sexual harassment and he was brought in with the dean of the department and basically told he was a bad person and that he needed to watch himself for the rest of his degree. This led to a lot of tension in the department because he was a more expressive person anyway. The point is that neither side of this is “right” and both sides were feeling real hurt. However, the result is such that there was no compassion and it was tense from there on in. They didn’t speak to each other – as per the order – but there was nothing resolved and neither persons pain was truly addressed. I found out later that the guy himself was a victim of sexual abuse and had a lot of pain surrounding sudden criticism of anything connected to it. Again, he wasn’t right, but the end result was that he had even more distrust for showing his pain to anyone, there was little avenue for healing, and it came out in other ways.

Everyone – absolutely everyone – has the capability of lashing out when in pain. Acknowledging that leads to people finding more appropriate ways of dealing with pain instead of abusively or explosively.

The point is that such things have many dimensions, and that healing always addresses the underlying issues. Looking at inappropriate and hurtful behavior is a good start. It’s actually good for both sides – case studies found that the survivors of the holocaust that came through without being completely traumatized tended to be the ones who did see those who did violence against them with compassion. They knew unequivocably it was wrong, but still had compassion. Compassion heals both sides.
.-= Matthew | Polaris Rising´s Last Fabulous Post ..Energy Healing, a Personal Story =-.


Gracie June 29, 2009 at 2:21 pm

Thank you Jen and Lance for sharing this story.
WOW! What an important message it conveys.


Mindful Mimi June 29, 2009 at 2:41 pm

Lance, thanks for sharing. Looks like this is bringing about some strong reactions.

Jenx: I applaud your courage for sharing this. I have a few mixed feelings as well, albeit not in the same direction as Matthew. I believe that too many rules can have the opposite effect. And looking at the US from outside ( I live in Europe), I notice that it seems sometimes to be very easy to sue someone for sexual harassment.
Don’t get me wrong. If the ‘victim’ feels that she (or he) is abused (morally, verbally or sexually) then she (or he) should be believed and her(his) feeling be honored.
I am just saying that too many rules can make it easy for those who just want to lash out at someone and teaching him a lesson even though it isn’t true or is taken out of context.

If someone grabbed me in the elevator, I would probably not hesitate a second to file a complaint. On the other hand, that puts me in the victim spot. And I prefer to look at myself as being assertive enough to approach the guy directly to tell him that I find his behavior inappropriate, that I think he is a sad bastard for having to revert to this kind of actions and that should this ever happen again with me or anyone else, I will stand up and shout it out.

That way I am deciding about the action. And I did not let him put me into the victim spot.

And I think that is what you did as well by deciding to tell this story. You are taking control of your feelings and your life. You could hardly have done that this way at age 8.

Also, I think the best pro-active way to prevent harassing behavior is to teach our children early on what is acceptable and what not. Not necessarily in the way of what is good or bad (everyone has a different opinion about that), but what is acceptable to YOU. Children generally have a very clear and deep knowledge about that. And they need to be taught to out it in the right way.
Children should be told that bullying is not ok and be taught what they can do about it.
In raising assertive children, we assure a generation of assertive adults.
.-= Mindful Mimi´s Last Fabulous Post ..Sunday laugh =-.


J.D. Meier June 29, 2009 at 2:57 pm

I seriously like that quote by Marianne.

Compassion, humanizing and connection seem the way to go.
.-= J.D. Meier´s Last Fabulous Post ..If You Miss the Train, Catch the Next One =-.


Jannie Funster June 29, 2009 at 2:58 pm

This took me through so many emotions, — sadness, anger, despair, but hope too. And courage.

All I can think is I’m so glad our little girl, and she is little and always has been. (She is over 7 and 1/2 now but the size of maybe a 5-year-old. Very petite.) All I can think is I want her to stay in Kung Fu. Luckily she likes it. And that’s a sad way to have to think in this world which is actually such an incredible wonderful place to be. But it’s reality. Very bad stuff is out there too.

But speak out yes, speak out. Please! That is the only way these cycles can be broken.

Thank you, Lance. And Jen.
.-= Jannie Funster´s Last Fabulous Post ..Five Little Lightbulbs =-.


JenX June 29, 2009 at 3:33 pm

@TOM VOLKAR – Thank you – your comment is a reminder to all of us to teach that to our kid.

@MATTHEW – I understand point that just because someone is an abuser does not mean that they are not human. There is a lot here to chew on and I will. Thank you.

@GRACIE – Thank you

@MINDFUL MINI – I love the idea of confronting the harasser. It can be a slippery slope if that person has power over you in the workplace, but I really like the idea of dealing directly with people.

@JANNIE FUNSTER – Thank you. My girls are petite, too. God bless the Kung Fu masters. Ha!


Miguel de Luis June 29, 2009 at 3:41 pm

More that beautiful this has been an experience in angst. I know I sound contradictory, but that’s the best way I can share my feelings.
.-= Miguel de Luis´s Last Fabulous Post ..The Knowledge Artisans =-.


JenX June 29, 2009 at 3:46 pm

@MIGUEL de LUIS – I understand more than you know.


Sami - Life, Laughs & Lemmings June 29, 2009 at 4:11 pm

This slideshow was incredibly powerful. Thank you Jen for speaking out about this and thank you Lance for sharing. It’s a subject very close to home for me having known someone who was sexually assaulted.

I will not run away.
.-= Sami – Life, Laughs & Lemmings´s Last Fabulous Post ..Monday Funny – The Evolution of Dance =-.


Evita June 29, 2009 at 4:15 pm

Lance thank you for posting this!

And Jenny thank you for being so brave and coming forward with your story. The slideshow was gripping and immensely touching to say the least.

I feel very connected to this and hold this very dear to my heart not because I have experience with sexual assault or abuse, but because gone are the days for me of looking the other way and pretending things don’t happen. Whether it is the way we treat women or the way we treat animals, we need to start looking square in the face at these issues. No more ignoring, no more running away and no more pretending it isn’t happening because we all know it is.

And hence today I myself speak out on a lot of topics that others want kept silent and hidden, but I can no longer do that. Once we come to a consicous realization of where things stand in the world, silence is no longer an option – at least for me it isn’t.

Thank you again and may your voice change the lives and hearts of many!
.-= Evita´s Last Fabulous Post ..When Words Are Not Enough – Simply Allow =-.


Nathalie Lussier June 29, 2009 at 5:23 pm

This was very touching, as in, heart breaking. I essentially chose to opt out of the work force possibly in part due to inequalities. Strong females are often called all kinds of things, and women have so many stereotypes to deal with. I’m glad you’re getting the message out there.
.-= Nathalie Lussier´s Last Fabulous Post ..Home Garden Makeover & Redesign to Grow Your Own Food =-.


JenX June 29, 2009 at 5:40 pm

@SAMI – Thank you. And, I love the parting sentiment. A mantra, for sure.

@EVITA – I read your comment twice, steeped in it for awhile – the part about animals, the part about pretending, the part about silence not being an option anymore. I love it all. Thank you.

@NATHALIE LUSSIER – I’ve known others who chose to opt out. Thanks for bringing it up, because sometimes, the only choice that remains for some is doing that, but it should never be misconstrued as surrender. Thank you for your comement.


Megan "JoyGirl!" Bord June 29, 2009 at 6:45 pm

You’ve put words to something that leaves me speechless (and also feeling a tad sick — that punched in the gut sensation that reminds me not everyone comes from a place of love). Thank you for giving this a voice, and reminding all of us that we have a responsibility to each other in every situation – no matter what.

(sigh) And now I’ll be praying for more and more love to flood the hearts and minds of everyone on this planet. Marianne was right.
.-= Megan “JoyGirl!” Bord´s Last Fabulous Post ..Do We Really Know Anything? =-.


JenX June 29, 2009 at 7:09 pm

@MEGAN – Daring reminders, Megan. Thank you especially for this, “reminding all of us that we have a responsibility to each other…”


Lance June 29, 2009 at 7:55 pm

@JEN – Jen, what you’ve shared here takes courage, and really is a gift to everyone who reads this. Not that reading this is easy. It’s not. It hurts to read this. It stings. Yet, it also shines light on the goodness of those who care. Care enough to not run. Jen, you have touched so many with what you’ve said here. You’ve touched on something that I tend to not think about. And you’ve raised my awareness to something that happens all too often, and is also too often ignored. I’m so grateful that our paths have crossed, and that you’ve shared this story. So many will benefit from the real-ness you exude. And for your compassion for all those who suffer. Jen, thank you.


Lance June 29, 2009 at 7:56 pm

ALL – Everyone, thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and comments here. This is not an easy subject to talk about. This is a topic I would prefer to avoid. And yet, when our paths crossed, Jen and I, and I found this slideshow she shared on her site – I just felt deeply that this spoke so true to what I too often try to “not see”. So – to all of you – thank you again for sharing all that you have.

One topic that came up more than once here was the concept of humanization and compassion. My take on all of this: We are ALL human – every one of us. And that means that none of us are perfect or have it all figured out. So, we all make mistakes, or do things that we maybe shouldn’t. And some of that comes from how we were raised, and what we grew up with. Violence and abuse are hard habits to break, and can all too easily be passed on from one genearation to the next. Sadly, those who abuse may do so because of what they were conditioned to in their own young lives. Overcoming this can be hard. And the cycle can become repeated. That, in no way, makes it okay. And we can really never fully understand what leads anyone to do what they have done, as we’ve never walked a lifetime in their footsteps. Again, this is no excuse for violence of any kind against another, and today especially, of any sort of sexual violence toward others. It is important for us to remember, though, that we are all human. Find the compassion to forgive a transgressor is not easy, especially in light of sexual violence. Can we see that they are human? Well, it’s easy for me to say “sure, we can” – when I’ve not been in the shoes of someone who has suffered. I don’t know. For some, I think so. I’m sure it’s a journey to get to this point of seeing this as forgivable. This is not easy, by any means. What if it were my daughter who was “Mary”? Would this all change for me? I’m sure it would. In fact, I have a very hard time even thinking about it, I don’t want to. Could I forgive? I don’t know. Could I humanize the transgressor? I don’t know. Honestly, as much as above – it’s easy to think about this in more “far off” terms and be able to see forgiveness, to see the “human” underneath the monster – in reality – I’m just not sure how I would handle this…in real life.

And so goes it. This is much more than a black and white answer. Sure, it may be black and white as to whether a sexual crime was committed. Seeing this as a human act, and finding the compassion to really move beyond – many shades of gray. And someplace that’s so hard for me to fully fathom.

So, know that I appreciate all that is being said here. Every one of you, have been open and honest in what you’ve shared. With this subject, that’s not easy. Thank you, every one of you, for being here today…


JenX June 29, 2009 at 8:17 pm

@LANCE – You’ve said it all so well, and I appreciate this opportunity so much. I have so many takeaways from today and will come back often to absorb these comments and visit the bloggers who left remarks. I am certain the discovery today has been richest of all for me. This has been a humbling experience. I know that sounds cliche, but I do mean it.

Thank you, to those of you who left comments, and to those of you who wanted to, but didn’t, I understand.


Darren Sproat June 29, 2009 at 11:35 pm

@Lance I first read and flipped through this slideshow a couple hours ago… I didn’t comment because I shared a lot of the same ‘thoughts’ as many others have stated. I felt compelled to come back, however…

@JenX I felt compelled to come back and watch this again after debating with myself whether I wanted to see how my 7 year old girl would react to it… You see, I have come to learn that my little girl is extremely perceptive and, I guess, “centered” would be a good word… So, a subject that I admit I try to avoid I convinced myself I had to have a talk with her about. I attempted to explain exactly what we were watching in as close to a “7 year old” manner as I could. Twenty minutes after our Daddy/Daughter talk she came to me and shared what made me return to comment… I absolutely had to come back to share what she had to say about this:

“Daddy, people are people whether they are girls or boys and whether they are old or young and whether they are different than us or not. We should be helpful, not hurtful”

We should be helpful, not hurtful…

Thanks for this, JenX and Lance, it provided a trigger for an important Daddy/Daughter talk that is like a lot of those talks that we convince ourselves “can wait until the next birthday”.

Darren Sproat (@DarrenSproat on Twitter)
.-= Darren Sproat´s Last Fabulous Post ..Healing Tree Grounding Ceremony =-.


Davina June 30, 2009 at 12:29 am

Hi Lance & Jen. The slide show and comments have been very thought-provoking. Human suffering is not a pleasant topic and this one is no exception. Thanks for sharing your story Jen. The healing continues… for everybody, thanks to you.


JenX June 30, 2009 at 7:16 am

@DARREN – I’m so glad you came back and shared this. Your daughter’s comment makes me think about how this is much more than a story about harrassment or assault, but a story about not running away, and as she pointed out being helpful. What a brilliant notion – to simply be HELPFUL. Children are so pure, and this child is no exception. And, I cherish that last line, “…those talks we convince ourselves “can waite until the next birthday.” We do that a lot, at least, I know I have.

@DAVINA – Thank you so much.


Jewel/Pink Ink June 30, 2009 at 8:45 am

Wow, what a powerful story. Thank you Lance for hosting Jen here.

Jen- thank you for your courage in sharing this slideshow. I have been fortunate as a journalist to not have this issue come up often at all, although as recently as this year, I experienced a put-down by a subject in front of a crowd of men. I seethed, but brushed off. To the other men’s credit, no one condoned it, no one laughed.

But these defenseless children and youth…I hope no one regardless of age or gender has to go through what Mary and other victims have.


Hilary June 30, 2009 at 9:29 am

Hi Lance and JenX – thanks for sharing and bringing the issues out a little more into the open.
I hope we can one day realise that we are human and should love each other and live in peace for humanity to survive …

Thank you – Hilary Melton-Butcher
Positive Letters
.-= Hilary´s Last Fabulous Post ..Herbs, Worts and all! =-.


Bella June 30, 2009 at 9:57 am

Very powerful.
Thank you, Jen and Lance for promoting support and education about sexual assault.
As a child survivor, I can completely relate and …

I will not run away, either.

Big love,


Tess The Bold Life June 30, 2009 at 10:53 am

Hey Lance thanks for being a guy that’s not only sensitive but cares enough to be a voice for all of us effected by these issues. Thanks JenX I’m behind you all the way!


Sagan June 30, 2009 at 11:26 am

That gave me shivers. Thank you, Jen, for creating the slideshow- and thanks, Lance, for posting it here and spreading the awareness.
.-= Sagan´s Last Fabulous Post ..Success Policies =-.


JenX June 30, 2009 at 12:06 pm

@PINK INK/JEWEL – I have written to your personally on your blog. Your comment, passion mean so much. I can’t wait to visit the blogs of each and everyone of you. That’s on my list for the July 4 Weekend.

@HILARY – I agree. And where does the love come from and how can we be unafraid to live our lives in this manner. I wrote a piece on my blog the other day – that I want to risk my reputation being kind, and your comment here made me think – a bigger risk is love. Thank you.

@BELLA – I’m starting to think about a T-shirt: “I WILL NOT RUN AWAY.” Thank you. Celebrating your survival, jen

@TESS THE BOLD LIFE (luv the name!) Yes, Lance – he’s left me speechless. He is a rare human being. Eventually, I’ll find the words to assign to all he has done here, but it will take me some time. Thank you for your comment.

@SAGAN – Thank you, so much. I had no idea I would get this kind of response. I posted this on my blog a week or so ago. My blog community accepted it well, but nothing like this blog community. Lance has attracted and built a community like none I have seen on any blog, anywhere – not even among those people who think they move and shake with Alexa ranks of 4,000 or 40,000. Lance is a conduit, and honestly, brave to take this on. Thank you…
.-= JenX´s Last Fabulous Post ..Conspiracy Theory and Salmon Dinner with a Spokane Indian =-.


Dr. J June 30, 2009 at 1:48 pm

That’s really wonderful!! Thank you both!
.-= Dr. J´s Last Fabulous Post ..Weight loss in a morbidly obese male: Case report =-.


Lisa's Chaos June 30, 2009 at 3:41 pm

As a teen I had a manager who would whisper inappropriate things in my ear to see me blsh – when he stuck his tongue in my ear I quit!
.-= Lisa’s Chaos´s Last Fabulous Post ..June’s Photo Scavenger Hunt =-.


Cath Lawson June 30, 2009 at 4:19 pm

Thanks Jen for putting that powerful slideshow together and sharing your experience. And thanks Lance for sharing it with us.

I hope your story will encourage others not to turn a blind eye, or run away.


Kennewick Colleen June 30, 2009 at 5:03 pm

I suspect sexual harassment and other sexual exploitation will only get worse as pornography use continues to increase. Too bad women have been reduced to objects in the media and elsewhere. 🙁


brandi June 30, 2009 at 6:48 pm

all I can say is thank you.
.-= brandi´s Last Fabulous Post ..mission monday:: doing it imperfectly =-.


JenX June 30, 2009 at 9:01 pm

@DR J – Thanks for taking the time to read it through!

@LISA CHAOS – Good for you for quitting. I knew so many girls in high school who experienced this – working at department stores and fast food.

@CATH LAWSON – Thank you, and thanks for visiting my blog.

@KENNEWICK COLLEEN – I was just thinking today if Twitter doesn’t do something about all the porn stars autofollowing everyone, I’m going to stop using it.

@BRANDI – that is more than enough, but if you want to email me, you can. jenx67[at]cox[dot]net.


Daphne June 30, 2009 at 9:34 pm


Your caring heart really shines through this post. Jen is a really brave woman to speak out this way, and it’s through people like you that she can spread the message far and wide. Thanks for sharing this. It’s an issue I don’t usually think much about, until I read about it, so this post made a difference.
.-= Daphne´s Last Fabulous Post ..Your 24 Possible Personal Strengths =-.


Tim June 30, 2009 at 11:16 pm


Thank you for sharing this powerful story. I know it had to be difficult for you to tell. But it is a reminder that, as human beings, we need to take care of each other and be vigilant so that people who harass others do not get away with it.

BTW, your blog looks very interesting. As a Gen Xer, and former latchkey kid myself, I can identify with a great deal that you’ve written (especially your thoughts on Michael Jackson).

Lance, thank you as well, for sharing this story.


Evelyn Lim July 1, 2009 at 2:37 am

JenX, thank you for having the courage to put up the slideshow and tell your story. It’s also great that you have received the most amazing support from Lance and all here on this forum.

I have got two girls. I hope that they will grow up with courage to stand up for themselves, should they ever be bullied or harassed. You have just reminded me. I need to teach my girls to learn how to shield themselves. Thanks!
.-= Evelyn Lim´s Last Fabulous Post ..How to Prevent H1N1 Flu Naturally =-.


Darren Sproat July 1, 2009 at 3:45 am

@JenX – Thanks again Jen, this is a special post and certainly deserves the attention it is getting. Thanks again for providing that trigger a “Daddy on the fence” needed to initiate this discussion with his little girl!

.-= Darren Sproat´s Last Fabulous Post ..Healing Tree Grounding Ceremony =-.


Miz July 1, 2009 at 5:33 am


*runs and hugs her daughter tight*


JenX July 1, 2009 at 6:37 am

@DAPHNE – I think this story received about 10 comments when I published it on my blog, so you can imagine I was floored when Lance popped up practically out of nowhere and pursued this. Thank you for your comment.

@TIM – Thanks for checking out my blog. I enjoy writing about Generation X very much. It has become a passion for me, and even with the Mary DuBueno story there was an overlay. We were all hanging out on the playground after school that day. The bell had rung, everyone scattered. Those of us who remained – all of our parents worked. There was nobody waiting for us at home except maybe older siblings. I don’t blame my parents. They were just providing for us, but this is part of the Gen X persona – a very unprotected childhood. (Not like working coal mines, mind you, but you understand…) There is an AP article by Ted Anthony about Gen X losing childhood icons. I highly recommend it!!! Sorry this reply got so long. =/

@EVELYN LIM – I am blown away by Lance’s blog community. Can I have it? LOL! He needs to guest post on problogger and share his secrets. Of course, I know it’s more than tactics, and comes from inside him. Thank you for our comment and bless your daughters as they learn to be brave.

@DARREN – Thank you!

@MIZ – OK, that comment made ME cry!! Thank you…


janice July 1, 2009 at 6:55 am

Lance and Jen,
I visited yesterday but guessed from the intro and comments that I needed to be in a strong place before viewing. I was right. All I can add to the wonderful comments above is a thank you and a well done to both of you for this heart breaking but uplifting piece. Our children will be braver because we have learned from the pain, have shared it and are stronger.

One PS Jen; there’s a comment above from someone called Vered. I really think you’d enjoy her posts on the abuse of women in advertising.


JenX July 1, 2009 at 8:44 am

@JANICE – Thanks for the tip about VERED. I’ll visit. I want to visit all these sites from people commenting, which I plan to do this weekend. Every time I click through the slides and I get to the part where I run, I sink all over again – and, I know it’s coming. And, I know what made me run. But, over the years, it just kept happening. And, running now is not a choice, because one day I woke up and the person I was running away from was me. And, now I see the pain caused from running away is actually worse than the pain involved in holding my position in the face of assault, harassment, abuse, etc. I hope I can teach my children this. It’s interesting how this post on Lance’s blog has helped me further process things. Who knew? =)


FatFighterTV July 2, 2009 at 10:00 am

Wow – so powerful and true. Thanks very much for sharing this about an issue that often goes ignored.
.-= FatFighterTV´s Last Fabulous Post ..New Report: Americans getting fatter and fatter… =-.


JenX July 2, 2009 at 3:06 pm

@FatFighterTV – Thank you!


Natalia Burleson July 3, 2009 at 9:39 am

Lance, thanks for sharing Jen’s story! Jen, thanks for telling it! Very powerful!


Angie July 3, 2009 at 12:49 pm

Thank you for sharing this, it was moving and amazing.
I wish I would have had this available in my early years….
I was afraid to ‘make a big deal’ because as the message states- even women would not stand up for you, this often goes for other types of abuse as well- especially if it is from an authority figure that happens to pay the bills.
Thank you…


Liara Covert July 4, 2009 at 7:59 am

Every moment, your thoughts and feelings reveal your perception of truth. As awareness grows, your consciousness shifts and prioirities change. Life is as meaningful as you choose.
.-= Liara Covert´s Last Fabulous Post ..10 Ways to access your answer =-.


LillianB - FatBlastZone July 5, 2009 at 12:33 am

Thank you for taking the time to educate others on something that occurs more often then we’d all care to admit. It was pretty tough watching this but sharing this story was extremely necessary. My heart goes out to all victims of this form of violation and I hope they embrace one universal truth – with courage and strength, anyone can be triumphant in the face of adversity.
.-= LillianB – FatBlastZone´s Last Fabulous Post ..Weight Loss Tips for Struggling New Moms =-.


Lance July 5, 2009 at 9:56 pm

@NATALIA – Jen’s story is such an important one to spread, and I’m just grateful for her sharing this, and being open to spread the message about sexual harassment here as well. This was a very courageous thing to share, and one I hope will help many…

@ANGIE – Jen has really offered a gift here, in her words and telling of this story. While it’s sad that this happened, what’s important now is that it’s being shared. I can’t fully imagine how dealing with any sort of harassment at a young age could be like, let alone being a young girl in this position. Angie, know that you’re valued here, that you matter, and that whatever wrongs were done to you – it was not your fault. Your honesty here, while hard to read, is also an important part of this whole message – one that it’s not just an isolated event on some playground. This happens much more that we’re often willing to realize. You’re helping to make others aware by sharing here. Thank you, so much, for being open here…

@LIARA – Life IS meaningful. How true this is Liara. And how unfair of some to try and strip that of others. Although, deep down, know matter what happens to us – we still are beautiful and meaningful – each and every one of us. Liara, thank you for this thought.

@LILLIAN B – This slideshow is so difficult to watch, especially when you really let sink in what is happening. As Liara mentioned, life is meaningful. And as difficult as this thought can seem to the victims, life still IS meaningful and they are still beautiful souls here on this earth. My heart, as well, goes out to all who have suffered in some way. Thanks so much for stopping here and sharing today…


JenX July 6, 2009 at 10:09 am

@NATALIA – Thank you for taking the time to read the story.

@ANGIE – Oh, to have had the wisdom THEN that I do NOW. I’m glad to know I am not the only one who has witnessed women not standing up for women. In fact, even when I posted this on my blog, most of the comments the post received were from men. And, it’s not lost on me that the one person who chose to carry this forward was a man – Lance. Silence about these things stun me, until I remember how long I didn’t say anything.

@LIARA – So true! Thank you for this precious comment.

@LILLIAN – Thank you for the feedback. I hate putting out something that is difficult to watch, and am grateful just the same that people like you receive it so well. I keep wondering how the character trait of courage develops. Maybe the tide turns at the moment being weak becomes too much to bear. Thank you, again, for taking the time to read this story.
.-= JenX´s Last Fabulous Post ..molly murphy’s: a metaphor for the generation x balancing act =-.


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