“…We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you…” ~ Marianne Williamson
I have never been afraid of the trappings of success. I’d like some fame, some money, someone to ask my opinion on world issues and value my feedback, someone to hand me a fancy coconut shell drink on my very own tropical island.
I have never been afraid of trying something new or different or seemingly impossible. I’m not afraid to fail…I’ve failed over and over in my life and stood up and brushed myself off and started again.
What I am afraid of, what keeps me from my ultimate greatness, is you. Yep…you. I want to make sure that I am not shining my light too brightly because I don’t want to make you feel bad. I don’t want you to think nasty things about me, like I’m a show off or I think I’m better than you in some way.
I don’t want you to judge me. I want to come in under the radar, so that I can inspire you just enough so that you like me and are comfortable around me. I don’t want to challenge you in any way. I want you to feel OK where ever you’re at. I put your comfort, your needs above my own…and I don’t even know you.
Now, of course this isn’t your fault. It’s mine. I brought into it. I followed the rules that our society tends to offer; please me and get a gold star, eat all the food on your plate and get desert, don’t start nothin’ and there won’t be nothin’.
Besides, it was easier that way…you didn’t expect all that much from me and so…I didn’t expect all that much from me either. Everyone is happy, right?
Except…not really. I’m actually not that happy. I don’t like the world I see around me. I worry that my children won’t have a future. I worry that no one is teaching our children peace. I worry that our children’s world is so polluted with chemicals and guns and rhetoric that they don’t stand a chance of making something of their lives. I worry that we’re screwing up our environment so badly that life as we know it today will not exist in the next 20 years. I could go on…
But what can I do?!…You know how much I care about you and what you think about me so if I take a stand, I’m sure to offend at least a few of you out there. If I jump up and say, “Hey, this is wrong! We have to do something to change this world!” I’m sure to ruffle a few feathers and you know how I hate ruffling feathers.
However, I have a confession to make…there’s a secret I’ve been keeping from you. A couple years ago…I started seeing someone. Someone who told me that I was strong. Someone who told me that I was powerful. Someone who told me that I could change the world, if I really wanted to.
And I wanted to believe them. I did, but, it just didn’t seem true. And not only that, it didn’t seem to fit into the nice little life I’d built for myself. If I stood up and screamed “STOP!” at the top of my lungs you would look at me different. You might not buy the picket fence and the 2.5 kids and the dog in the yard. If I embraced this supposed power I had…what would you think? So I made myself quiet and still and didn’t rock the boat.
And yet, the pain continued to push until the vision began to pull.
I was then given the opportunity to really spend some quality time with myself and this other person…not only that but this other person introduced me to still more people who told me the same thing the first person did…that I was strong, that I was powerful, that I could change the world.
Not only that…these people told me that it was my mandate, that it was my truth, it was my purpose, my duty to shine my light and shine it as brightly as I could. They handed me the keys to my own kingdom and said,
“You can do this. We believe in you.”
So here’s the hard part about this letter. It’s not you…it’s me. See I am actually beginning to believe them, for real. For real. And I just don’t see how I can care about what you think anymore. It’s taking away from my ability to follow my path, to discover my true purpose, to live my destiny, to shine as brightly as I need to shine to change the world. And I know that’s not what you want..is it?
And I really feel I need some time. I need time to explore this amazingly powerful person that I am. I need time to examine my own light, to see what I have to offer. I need to plant some roots and make space for my light in my heart and mind, to learn how to live with it, grow it, nurture it, protect it and watch it blossom. Then I will figure out how I can best use my light to be in service to humanity.
So instead of saying you won’t hear much from me, I’m gonna say, you will. You. Will. Hear. From. Me. And when you do, know that I am light, I am love and I am embracing myself so that I can be fully in my power.
“As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” ~ Marianne Williamson
We can still be friends. Who knows, someday you might look at me and think, “Boy, I wish I had what she has.” And maybe you’ll ask me how I got it. And then maybe I can help you realize that you are strong, you are powerful and that you can change the world too, that shining your light is your mandate too…and maybe at that point-we can head off into the sunset and do it together.