I Am NOT An Abomination

by Lance Ekum on · 30 comments

I have a special guest visiting today.  Vanessa, from VanessaLeigh, is here and sharing a deeply personal part of her own life journey. 

I approached Vanessa about sharing this part of her journey, and what love means to her, knowing fully that this is a subject that can sometimes be a challenging discussion.


And I wonder, who are we to judge another?  Who are we to think we have all the answers?  Who are we to question the deep longings and beautiful connections of two souls brought together?

So, it is with my deep gratitude that I share with you Vanessa, who she is, and what love is.  And, as I read this, I can only believe that my place is not one to judge another because they are somehow different from me.  In fact, as I think about this more deeply, are we not all different?  And are there not things in our heart that would speak love even more beautifully if we lived that place with even more compassion and care?

Vanessa, thank you for so openly sharing, and for speaking the truth in your heart.  You are a shining and beautiful soul, and it is an honor to have you here.

I Am NOT An Abomination


Creative Commons License photo credit: indrarado

“We say we love flowers, yet we pluck them. We say we love trees, yet we cut them down. And people still wonder why some are afraid when told they are loved.” ~ Anonymous

I feel compelled to write about this due to the strong feelings associated with this topic:  HOMOSEXUALITY.  I don’t get angry about the topic much anymore, as much as become determined, almost indignant, on needing to firmly state why I feel the way that I do about this.  And, I have to say, I would feel firmly that homosexuality is as natural in humanity as heterosexuality, even if I were not a lesbian.  But I am a lesbian, and I know in my heart of hearts that I am EXACTLY as God intended me to be.

Now, I am not writing this post as a testament to what science is proving in terms of sexual orientation and genetics.   I am not writing this post as a way to quote passages of Scripture, to defend why they are misinterpreted.  I am writing this from a feeling, human perspective.  It is just the way that I do things, try to bring the personal perspective to the table, which is not always considered when the various sides of this issue take their positions and refuse to see another point of view as valid.

I feel firmly confident in the fact that God has created me, as well as millions of other gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered persons, in His image, and exactly as He wanted us to be.  I would, and do, believe that regardless if science seemed to indicate that there are genetic differences or not, that God meant for this to be.  I feel fully connected to God and to my spirituality, not in spite of being gay, but because I am gay.  I am a kind, generous human being, I give willingly to others, I try to be fair and not wasteful, and I have a committed, lifelong partner whom I am devoted to.  We are raising a well adjusted, beautiful daughter and doing a fine job.  God has blessed us in so many ways, because of who we are.

This is usually where the conversation goes to the area of “love the sinner, hate the sin” kind of statements, referring to being gay as being a “choice” or “lifestyle”, and that we are “giving in” to “sinful urges” without restraint.  While I will not be discussing my own sexual behavior here, since that is just not my style, I will say that sexual orientation, or in my case, being a lesbian, is about SO MUCH MORE than sexual behavior, sexual activity, sexual intimacy.  Yes, that is part of it in most of the couple relationships that I am acquainted with, as in most committed relationships.  That is PART of what connects two persons to one another.  But, think about it for a minute: when you meet someone that you know may be a significant person to you, one to whom you are attracted, how would you describe that attraction?  Some of us have had the experience of being attracted to a person physically or sexually only, with nothing else much there.  That has not been my typical experience, and that is not what I am talking about here.  I am talking about falling in love, being attracted to a person on all levels:  physically, sexually, emotionally, psychologically, soulfully, prayerfully – the heart to heart connection that comes with those that we fall in love with madly.  THAT is what orientation is about.  If I were to describe a heterosexual orientation as only about sex, or sexual attraction or intimacy, I would be diminishing it and leaving out so much else that describes and defines a couple relationship.

And, just as there are messed up persons in this world who are heterosexual, married or not, so is the case in the homosexual world as well.  Not much difference there.  However, there are many of us that are monogamous, in committed, long term relationships, who are not unfaithful and want to spend the rest of our lives together, God willing.  Would there really need to be a focus on what it is that we do intimately if we were allowed to be married?  If that were to sanction our committed relationship, then really, who would care how we conduct ourselves?  And, for those that think that the institution of marriage will be ultimately destroyed, and the foundation of our society shattered if homosexual persons are allowed to marry one another, wouldn’t you agree that marriage could use some help these days?  I mean, the most recent statistic is that almost half, if not half, of marriages end in divorce?  How can we worsen those types of numbers? Isn’t it remotely possible that we might boost the chances of happy marriage?

I know some people, many people actually, some of whom are gay, some not, who were raised in households and communities and churches, that told them that being a homosexual was against God, unnatural, and an abomination, and who believed it for much of their lives.  Some of those same people have had changes of hearts and minds over their lifetime, by realizing that being gay and being in God’s image could co-exist.  I am so grateful for those persons in my life.  I am so glad to know that instead of bringing out fear and loathing in other human beings, that I can illicit appreciation, compassion and joy at who I genuinely am.
I am gay, I am worthy, I am loved, and I am a child of God. Amen.

UPDATE:  The conversation on this continues, as Evita, from Evolving Beings, discusses Expanding Our Evolving Views of Homosexuality

Special note:  I am deeply grateful to Vanessa for sharing as openly as she has here, and for Evita beautifully sharing her compassionate views on sexual orientation.  It is with these conversations, that continued love and understanding can be more openly expressed in all aspects of our lives.  Thank you, both of you, for being light and love in this world.

Lance writes stories from his heart, aiming to inspire and motivate, as you align more fully with YOUR true peak. When he's not here, you can find him hanging out with his family, riding a bike, or just generally acting goofy.   Sign up for the Thoughts from the Treehouse newsletter and get additional inspiration in your email inbox!
Lance Ekum
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{ 29 comments… read them below or add one }

Jannie Funster May 3, 2010 at 7:38 am

I am reminded that when one feels fear, loathing, etc. it is a reflection of what needs to be purified or addressed in the heart of the loather.

And why shouldn’t gays be allowed to marry? Just ridiculous that they’re not.

Peace and love to all.

.-= Jannie Funster´s Last Fabulous Post ..Oops, She Did It Again =-.


Colleen May 3, 2010 at 8:08 am

Nice post Vanessa! Those who accuse you (or anyone else) of being an abomination are those who are an abomination themselves and simply haven’t come to accept it.
.-= Colleen´s Last Fabulous Post ..16th Annual Safe Kids Saturday =-.


Jay Schryer May 3, 2010 at 8:18 am

No, you’re most definitely not an abomination. You, just like every other soul on the planet, are a divine expression of love and grace. And as such, you are loved by the Divine Source just as we all are. The fact that you have successfully mirrored that love with your partner and have taught it to your daughter prove that you are a being of light and love, for the darkness cannot mirror the light.

I personally know several homosexual people who are in life-long committed relationships, and who have successfully raised intelligent, compassionate, loving, productive children. The fact that they are denied the right to marry is the real abomination.

For heterosexual people who are opposed to gay marriage on the grounds that it harms the institute or marriage, I ask you this: Have you ever been divorced? Have you ever had an affair? Have you ever had premarital sex? If you answered yes to any of those questions, then you have already done far more harm to the “institute of marriage” than homosexual people ever could.

The same book of the bible that describes homosexuality as an abomination also describes eating most seafood as an abomination. Lobsters, clams, and crabs are just three examples of food that is considered to be an abomination. I have yet to see a group of Christians protesting outside of Red Lobster. The reason for that is because at some point, the church (as an institution) decided that seafood wasn’t harmful. It’s far past the time when we all decide that homosexuality isn’t harmful either.

Love always,
.-= Jay Schryer´s Last Fabulous Post ..Leather and Lace =-.


Joy Tanksley May 3, 2010 at 8:47 am

Amen, indeed. And thank you for this. I was raised in a very conservative faith tradition – my father was actually a minister. I remember, even as a child, being sort of confused by the frequent sermons against homosexuality. The words were so angry, so defensive. It just didn’t gel with what I had been taught about Jesus Christ. Now, I know for sure that my childhood instincts were right on track. God is love. Period.

You are a brave and beautiful human being. Thank you for shining your light, Vanessa.


Evita May 3, 2010 at 8:55 am

Hi Lance thank you SO much for having Vanessa as a guest. This is a most important and beautiful topic.

Hello Vanessa

We are all one and yet we are all different. What you wrote here is so beautiful and so necessary. As our world continues to wake up we are each thinking more for ourselves and less based or from the institutions. Every single one is perfect and beautiful in my opinion and we are just now starting to really understand that perfection.

Those who judge, judge all including themselves. But slowly, sometimes quickly our eyes are opening to the universal unconditional love.

Love and blessings to you always.
.-= Evita´s Last Fabulous Post ..Evolving Being in Action: Lisa Erickson =-.


Miguel de Luis May 3, 2010 at 8:58 am

I’m a Spaniard, I’m sure you know you could marry in Spain.

But I think we all need to listen more about what homosexuality is beyond sex. Share your story, tell about your place in the world, that’s the only way we can learn.
.-= Miguel de Luis´s Last Fabulous Post ..Horizontes de Esperanza =-.


Erin Prais-Hintz May 3, 2010 at 9:08 am

Thank you, Miss Vanessa, for opening up and sharing your story.
I think that anyone who looks at another human being on this planet, no matter their race, religion, or orientation, and sees them as an abomination is in serious need of help. And prayer. Lots of it. This weekend my parish priest preached about Jesus’ commandment to “Love one another, as I have loved you”. The first part is easy. To say that we love one another. But it is that second part, the heart of the matter, the meat in the sandwich, that makes it hard. Jesus didn’t discriminate where his love was bestowed. And I think that if we are created in God’s image, and given the free will to choose, and we choose to look into another person’s eyes and call them an abomination, then that is wholly against God. Thank you for sharing your story and for giving us all something to think about.

Enjoy the day!
.-= Erin Prais-Hintz´s Last Fabulous Post ..Inspired by…Wedding Flowers =-.


Lynn May 3, 2010 at 9:46 am

Thank you for sharing your story, Vanessa. I do not believe you are an abomination.
.-= Lynn´s Last Fabulous Post ..Now 40, trifler, sparkles =-.


Susan Scofield May 3, 2010 at 11:17 am

Would to God that more of us would speak up and take this stand. Thanks, Vanessa. Hear! Hear!


Tess The Bold Life May 3, 2010 at 11:25 am

Hi Lance and Vanessa,
We can be whoever we are and loved for whoever we are. We are entitled to this. My neices became parents of a baby boy 6 months ago. We have gay relatives and gay friends. We love them all. When those who judge can let go of their fear they’ll be able to accept everyone. Until then I’ll hold a vision of love for all and send them love and light until they join us there.


Caroline May 3, 2010 at 11:35 am

And you are beautiful…and brave….and important…and and and….

Thank you for sharing this today.


Darren Sproat May 3, 2010 at 4:20 pm

It is wonderful to meet you… and on such a personal level. You most certainly are NOT an abomination. I am one who believes that everyone’s story matters and, through my blog, I have discovered that a very wide variety of people, whether you are talking ethnic, emotional, physical, or any one of 1000 others types of diversity, can be amazingly similar.
Celebrate who you are and who you wish to become. Live every moment as if to create a memory that can be cherished for a lifetime…and release those negative influences from around you!
Thanks for the wonderful read,
.-= Darren Sproat´s Last Fabulous Post ..Wake Up and Smell the Coffee =-.


Vanessa May 3, 2010 at 7:01 pm

Hello readers:

I have been a voyeur all day, excited with anticipation of the responses to my writing. What love there is here! I feel very certain of who I am as a person, however, there is not always love around me and our family in regard to sexual orientation. To feel such genuine love and support is truly a gift, as Lance has been a gift to me. Thank you all for being who you are, and I know that together, we will change this world for the better!!!! Peace, Vanessa (author of this blog post)
.-= Vanessa´s Last Fabulous Post ..My tears………. =-.


Evelyn Lim May 3, 2010 at 11:40 pm

Thank you for declaring who you are. Those who are gay deserve as much love and care as any soul. In Buddhism, we are also taught to be accepting of gays or anyone with a different set of beliefs, culture or sex orientation. What is most important is the loving kindness you have in your heart for yourself and others.
.-= Evelyn Lim´s Last Fabulous Post ..What Does Your Inner Money Script Say? =-.


Megan "JoyGirl!" Bord May 4, 2010 at 7:21 am

Hi, Vanessa!

I applaud you for all you wrote. I’m gay-friendly (a term I learned when I attended a marriage equality lobbying event in NYS last year); always have been, always will be. I have family members who are gay, and half of my inner circle is gay. To me, gay is not a choice any more than straight is a choice. My brother made that clear in a discussion he was having once where he asked me if, when I woke up that morning, I chose to be straight. I said, “Nope!” He said, “Well no one wakes up choosing to be gay, either, so the argument that sexuality is a choice is preposterous!”

It saddens me when I witness people acting out their fears in regard to this subject. All I think we can do, though, is to love them … Just like we want to be loved. Fear, powerful as it may be, can be thwarted by love.

I believe the day is coming when marriage equality will pass at a federal level, and an individual’s sexual orientation will no longer dictate what laws they are protected by. As you said, in God’s eyes, we are all equal and we are all Divine.

Lance, another awesome guest author, and a phenomenal topic to feature at The Jungle. Thank you!
Love to you, and love to Vanessa!


Lance May 4, 2010 at 7:39 am

Your comments are touching to read. And they also give me hope that when we base ourselves around compassion and love – we can see everyone as a very precious part of our One-ness. And I personally love that thought – that we are all one. Especially if our belief is that we come here to earth, and there is some Divine up above – I can only believe that, in this Divinity, we are one with each other. And if that is true (which I very much believe it to be), then what we do to one – we do to all. A stab into the heart of another being is also a stab into our own, and to everyone else here on this earth. So, as I continue to let the words that have been written here soak more deeply into my soul, know that today – each one of you is giving beautiful hope in what IS possible…with love….

Much peace and love to all of you,


Lance May 4, 2010 at 7:39 am

Your story is inspiring, for what you believe so deeply in. And that all touches on our human emotions, and our need for love. Today, your love shines so beautifully here. And with that love, you bring hope to our world, peace to my soul, and compassion to those who yet wrestle with this idea of sexual orientation. It is a great honor to have you here, and to know that your story is one that is spoken with so much peace and love, and from a place of great care for humanity.

Love and hugs,


Megan "JoyGirl!" Bord May 4, 2010 at 7:58 am

(Crippety Crap!) The term I meant to use was “straight ally.” (Everyone knows gay friendly!) Sheesh, my brain needs to wake up a smidge more this morning!

Peace & joy!


Patricia - Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworker May 4, 2010 at 8:29 am

Judgments always come from fear. Vanessa, you are not an abomination. No child of God is. God is pure love. Pure love has no hate attached to it. Hate also is fear speaking. The Bible also says, “Judge not, lest you be judged.” Nobody has the right to judge anybody else in my book of life.

Lance I was glad to highlight this article on my Facebook page. You are welcome. You always inspire me with your love of life and light. Both of you and any who read this, have a glorious day.
.-= Patricia – Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworker´s Last Fabulous Post .."The Patricia Singleton Story" Update =-.


Sagan May 4, 2010 at 9:50 am

BEAUTIFUL post. It IS that heart-to-heart connection.

I have no intention to ever get married BECAUSE of the ridiculous divorce/separation rates… I don’t think we need to sign a paper to show how much we love someone, or to display our commitment.

I love that you’ve written this. It scares me to think that even today, we still need to fight for rights… I’m glad that Canada “allows” gay marriage, but it really is terrible that there are still so many places were it isn’t legal. What kind of society do we live in?
.-= Sagan´s Last Fabulous Post ..Re-cap of the Thirty Days of Yoga Challenge =-.


Karl Staib - Work Happy Now May 4, 2010 at 10:23 am

We are all here for a reason. Sometimes we have to be part of the minority to open people’s eyes to differences.

I can see that you have a strong and open heart. This is your superpower to help change the world for the better. It’s why you are here guest posting on Lance’s blog. You are opening people’s hearts to the concepts that many people don’t want to face.


Simon Hay May 4, 2010 at 6:35 pm

Hi Vanessa,

Thank you. Love isn’t about gender or sexuality. Love is peaceful. It’s the observer. It waits patiently to be expressed through, and by us. I long for the day I can look at two men in love without the question in my subconscious. It’s being put there by my father and his father, and everyone who has come before. To be free of this we must address that subconscious pause. For some that will be reactive, but it needs to show itself. Consciousness will not shift without action. I praise you for sharing.

Thanks Lance. Peace, Simon.
.-= Simon Hay´s Last Fabulous Post ..Healer or Conman? =-.


Wilma Ham May 4, 2010 at 6:54 pm

Hi Lance and hi Vanessa.
What astounds me is that how do people know what God created and what he did not?
What astounds me is that we dare to have opinions about things we do know mostly nothing about.
What astounds me is that we so seldom dare to look with our own two eyes and see ‘what is so’.
Who says what love should look like when it is obvious when two people love each other.
Argggh, opinions, opinions about things we know nothing about so gets me.
Last year my niece married another woman, they were so happy, love was so present, what has gender, color, culture, religion to do with love????
Vanessa, I loved your outpour, we are all creations of God and we are love and how wonderful to express it how WE see fit. Oh, who knows what God wants, arggh again. Let for once find out what our own heart wants, that normally will align with God anyway.
Love Wilma


ClinicallyClueless May 4, 2010 at 10:44 pm

Thank you for sharing this Vanessa and Lance. As a straight Christian since 1981, I have struggled with what God thinks and says versus what the media hungry fundamentalist church says. I wrestled with this for a few years which ended in my being a whole hearted gay rights supporter. I’m not plugging my blog, but I wrote a series on it with Biblical evidence that it is not an abomination or other things that are “stated” by translation in the Bible. Please check out the following link as you may find it interesting. It will also read from bottom to top. http://clinicallyclueless.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2009-10-19T01%3A19%3A00-07%3A00&max-results=12#uds-search-results

I hope you enjoy it.
.-= ClinicallyClueless´s Last Fabulous Post .. =-.


ClinicallyClueless May 4, 2010 at 10:50 pm

Sorry to leave another comment, but the series actually started on 10/9/09. The search picks up some other posts…I still need to figure out how to fix it.


Joychristin May 5, 2010 at 12:28 am

Thank you yet again for sharing your space with a beautiful Soul.

Thank you for sharing your story here. You allowed your heart to shine. Beautiful!
At such a young age, throughout elementary school, my son is bullied and has valid fears for his safety. It is an uphill climb. One that he will have the rest of his life. I am his ally, and as we inch forward together we grow the little group of support around us. It can be lonely, it can be discouraging to watch, it can be frustrating to experience; I can’t carry any of it for him, I can only stand with him and love him and support him as I love and support everyone. I understand people fear that which they do not know, but each one of us has a component of ‘that which we do not know’ to them. Our differences are opportunities to learn and enrich our lives, they shouldn’t be barriers to connecting or living fully.
One day my church will shun us, but I realize church and government are manmade and man is fallible; God is love and Love is Universal, so I choose to embrace God and Love and Universal Energy. And I choose to embrace fully and unconditionally that which I do not understand so that one day I may understand Completely.
Much peace….
.-= Joychristin´s Last Fabulous Post ..Wisdom Wednesday: Gifts….. =-.


Hilary May 5, 2010 at 7:46 am

Hi Lance .. thanks for introducing us to Vanessa .. we are all people – we should all love and respect each other. Life is there for us all to enjoy not to make other lives miserable .. life is life for all – live it and bless it. Thanks Hilary
.-= Hilary´s Last Fabulous Post ..The Okavango Delta – the perfect place to Safari or holiday? = Yes for me! Part 2/3: John’s Story…. =-.


Angelia Sims May 5, 2010 at 7:54 am

For some people, it’s easier to judge, to be harsh, to be unbending, and close-minded than it is to open their heart to love all around them.
Vanessa you are truly what love is all about with your openness. Sharing your heart and soul will help others to see what they refuse to. I think my heart breaks for their short sightedness as much as it does for gays that feel persecuted.
It only takes one person to stand up and one to stand down. It only takes one persons arms to open for an embrace.
I am proud to be a child of God along side you. You sing his praises and share your joy of life.
You are blessed indeed and I am honored to read your story.
.-= Angelia Sims´s Last Fabulous Post ..How to Raise a Happy Teen =-.


Lance May 6, 2010 at 9:31 am

The love that has been expressed here is both deeply moving and meaningful. That’s what truly shines through in the words that you each have shared – LOVE.

So, being here today and reading your words, letting them settle in a bit – I am touched by the thoughtfulness of each of you.

We are all connected, we are all one….


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